doing nothing.

“looking good, Louis…” my husband says from inside the condo.

“feeling good, Billy Ray…” I reply from the balcony while working on a tree pose.

“seriously, I’m feeling good here.”

“huh,” he scoffs.  “I would rather be in Vegas than in this humidity.”

“whaaaat?  this is perfect.  we should move here.  I think the humidity is really helping.  even with the heat, my legs have hardly been buzzing at all since we’ve been here…”

“or it’s that you’re yoga-ing again and mellowing…or maaaaybe your meds are working….what do you think about that?”

I look through my legs in down dog, and stick my tongue out at him.

it then hits me…I really am feeling better.

the best I have felt since before July 29th when my legs crapped out on me.  when all I had to worry about was work and not having enough time to spend with my friends.

…maybe it’s the break from work.

…maybe it’s the stress-free life on Marco Island…where outside of my sisters, we are the second youngest couple on the island.

or maybe it’s just the fact that I’m taking a break. period.  a break to do nothing.

sometimes it’s hard to do nothing.  don’t you agree?

my therapist asked me on Sunday what I’m going to do while in Florida if I start to feel a wiggle of stress starting to squirm.

“breathe.”

she nods approvingly.

yes, I murmur to myself.  insta-follow up thought:  silly approval seeker.  note to self:  work on that.

“we will work on you being kinder to you, Erin. but for now, you don’t need to do anything. I don’t want you to stress about being nicer to yourself!  take it slowly.”

seriously, can this woman read my mind?

“that sounds good to me!” I say…though eager to fast forward six months and experience treating myself with utter kindness and mercy.

then I stop my thoughts as I see them starting to grow, and remind myself that all I can focus on is right now.

I breathe out.

I can do this.  turtle steps are just fine. 

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2 thoughts on “doing nothing.

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