I have found something that really works for me: I write to my present self.
(no, I don’t have MPD!)
this happened Wednesday night after a rough few days. I have written letters to myself before. it is one of my ongoing therapy assignments. not writing to the present me was the direction – but writing letters to the past me. which works. very well.
though, I changed the rules after getting the ok from the therapist. (like I wouldn’t have done it anyway!) I like focusing on the present. I think it has more power than looking behind. (though looking back sure does have healing properties.)
that, and feeling the left-over emotions. seriously. read up on the mind-body connection, and you’ll see. it’s important to really feel, what you’re feeling. let it in. and out.
Wed. night third person scene: Tim has just left to pick up dinner, and Erin retreats to the master bedroom. she flops on the bed and stares at the ceiling. she’s facing the wrong way. a couple of tears wiggle their way loose as she laments over the last few days. and what she’s done wrong. she’s been holding the tears back for the past two days. she hugs her dog and tries to avoid picking at a scab on her dog’s head. Erin initiates a clear focus mediation breathing deeply and consciously; she gets to the point of focusing on a spot between her eyes. (some of you know how powerful a meditation can be!)
and then she hears someone whispering in her ear:
“Erin, what are you supposed to do when you feel like this? you know what to do. so go do it.”
answer immediately comes to me, and I bounce off the bed. shushing, the other voice that is telling me to wallow. I wipe away the tears of the past three days, and head to the living room and my laptop.
by the time Tim returns home with a rotisserie chicken, I have pounded out a letter to the present me.
I just re-read my letter. I talk to myself like a friend: observational, empathetic, and non-judgemental. I repeat, like a friend. it feels good. that’s the adult me talking. yeah!
note to self: repeat, and repeat often. I don’t normally talk to myself like I do my friends. huh.
my husband said to me today, “if I only I could see what goes on inside that head of yours…”
I replied, “you don’t want to join the party…”
working on being a better friend to myself. and keep working on it. it’s already there. it should be easy.
what do you do? I would love to hear.