too much? maybe. maybe not.

the following question has been rolling around after I started blogging regularly…and it bubbled up to the surface yesterday…

am I being too open with my feelings on my blog?

yes? I think I so? maybe?

I thought about this long and hard. and then thought about it again.

and concluded: no.

my body doesn’t think so (no negative body compass readings…I only ran across a +8 on the positive side of the house). neither does my mind. (no negative thoughts there either…other than the expected fear emotion right before posting πŸ˜‰

oh, and then there’s the minor detail that I find myself pressing PUBLISH over and over again.

something is pushing me to keep writing.

final conclusion: it’s definitely a no.

this question started to surface after one peep opted not to follow me any longer as a result of the content of my posts. even when I said, “ouch, that hurt.”

I wanted to say, “hey, I’m the one dealing with the new-ness of MS here. sorry not every day is puppy dogs and ice cream cones!”

it’s still quite new at this point. but, I’m getting used to it. and slowly figuring out what works for me

this peep only wanted positive musings. right out of the gate.

I get that! I want(ed) that too. everyone does, right?!

but, for me writing is how I reach that feel good. when I need it. why would I give that up just because it’s too hard for someone to read what I have to say?

though…if I’m going to be a ‘real’ writer some day, I will have to get used to rejection…but only if it comes with feedback that I can work with or discard. ha! πŸ™‚

I’m cool with the fact that some peeps don’t always get my posts. seriously. I am. I have a quirky sense of humor. I can be too serious. often confusing. I genuinely like to make fun of myself. and I make unusual and random connections.

I figure…why shut things out…when they are right there? work through them. to move them out of your system. rather than holding them hostage. they will definitely show up somewhere else if you don’t let them move on as they are designed. inevitably, an un-dealt-with yuck-o feeling will show up a lot bigger than it is right in this moment. note to self. πŸ˜‰

I have to do this. especially when we’re talking about MS. turns out writing is a new basic requirement for me.

MS has been a blessing for me. I think I have said that before. but it has helped me learn to be closer to the authentic me. and appreciate the real me. self-indulgence via the blogosphere. perhaps. but I want to assure anyone going through something similar…that it can get better if you allow it. slowly. turtle steps. it can take time. and that’s okay.

sidebar off topic>>>for you young peeps, pay attention to this! trust me on this one.

take care of you. listen to your inner voice as it wiggles and flexes its muscle. that is the real you. and she’s all yours. πŸ™‚

and for my family of girls, you are all fascinating, smart, funny, riveting. and worthy.

perfect. just the way you are.

because you are you.

and there is only one you.

(just had to share the love for my seven girls… πŸ™‚

I had a work peep tell me last week what an inspiration I have been.

I didn’t know what to say. I almost dropped my soup mug. whaaaat?? I don’t get it. was my immediate internal reaction. yup.

(insert eye roll here.)

that night I cried in my therapist’s chair when I shared that story. good grief, Charlie Brown!

personal feelings when faced with a chronic condition too heavy for a blog? I think definitely not. what do you think?

I have to repeat:

there is no try. there is only do. or not do. ~Yoda

I’m picking the doing part of this equation.

xo

ps. update on my health: saw my regular doc on Thursday. as he was wrapping up said, “wow, you’re handling this really well.”

wow, back.

huh. that felt so good.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “too much? maybe. maybe not.

  1. Keep writing, keep writing, keep writing!! I look forward to your blogs because you are so open and honest. I could relate so much to your feellings… fear, awkwardness, silliness, fun…etc. For the most part you say what we all want to say but we don’t… I admire you for that. A BIG Thank you!! XOXO L πŸ™‚

  2. Writing is definitely therapy for me! In fact I like this blogging gig so much I’ve started putting out short videos too.I think the content of what we release is definitely a personal choice. For instance my mom is shocked by what I share, where as I don’t think it’s a big deal at all.

    Nicole

  3. Keep honoring your essential self, Erin. I think you will attract MANY more people with your honest account rather than a false, all-positive one. I can’t relate to what it’s like to have MS, but your revealing accounts of the daily struggles and inner dialogue speak to a broader audience. And how you handle it, unflinchingly transparent and authentic, THAT is inspiring.

  4. I second Emily. It’s crazy how your very specific and uniquely authentic honesty affects me — I immediately identify with everything and I don’t have MS. The most personal truly is the most universal I guess. So thank you.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s