effort-full vs. effort-null?

we have a bonus day today…what a treat!

so I have to ask the question…what inspires you?

truly inspires you.  take a moment, breathe in deeply, and let your current pre-occupied thoughts drop away as you exhale…and do it again…and one more time…yeah, I’m pushy, I know.  😉

then…think about what gives you those hair-raising truth-bumps…and that yummy butterfly feeling in your tum.

is it something that requires, hard-core, roll-up your sleeves, get dirty work?  effort-full.

maybe that feels good.  or maybe it doesn’t.  go with the thing that feels good.

or is it something that just pours from you without any effort?  effort-null.  I like that better than effort-less.  (which makes it sound like there is still some effort required.  😉

something to think about on your extra day this year.  write it down.

think about it…can you devote an effort-null five minutes to that thing that inspires you?  before you talk yourself out of it… 😉

five minute ideas would include: surfing the web or magazines for images that feel good to you…doodling haphazardly while you imagine your inspiration…meditating.

enjoy your extra day today.  would love to hear about it.  😉


life with a cast…and some MS on the side…

I am so grateful that my husband does not need surgery!!!

yeah!!! yeah!!!

that is such a good thing!

his Achilles tendon is still holding on by a few tiny fibers.

now we both have to adjust to life with a cast. and crutches.

easy peasy.

though this morning, didn’t feel quite so easy.

as I drove us way from the orthopedic center, my husband looks over at me.

I can feel his eyes on me. but I can’t take my eyes off the road.

instead I settle for asking, “what’s up baby, how are you doing?”

“I just wish doctors would stop telling us that they don’t even need to look at the MRI results to know that something is very wrong with one of us.”

I bob my head in agreement.

doing better now. both of us. this is just a minor twig caught in the stream of life.

…so to distract myself, I accomplished some administrative things after we are settled back at home.

had a shower. walked the doggy. straightened up the kitchen.

and then launched into making a home-made dinner. phew. that felt good. I am valuable in this.

I will not hover – my hummingbird never hovered for too long – and then he flew away.

lesson learned from the hummingbird.

all will be well…and we have already laughed quite a bit today as we made fun of the Garmin voice on our way to meet the doc. she always cracks us up. we should have listened to her on the way home!

I just pointed this out to my husband, and he chimed back on cue, “turn right on newLAND.”

God, I love this man!!


oh – ps! going back to my flying beastie, I still have my autographed book copy…What the Walrus Knows…available!

I would love to give it away!! so if you have a wiggle of interest, just let me know!

the husband and his Achilles tendon…

are not on good terms.

and haven’t been for the last 2+ weeks.

(umm…yeah…he likes to put off the inevitable like I do!)

we’ll find out more after his MRI tomorrow and appointment with the orthopedic surgeon on Thursday.

we are both praying for an easy healing.

he saw our regular doc last week, and appears that it is completely ruptured.  but luckily the tendon didn’t roll up into his calf… 😦  wait, that’s good okay.  no frown required.  yikes!

so…he’s still walking on it.  just not very well.

turns out that a ruptured Achilles tendon is a common injury for men of his age who play stop and go sports – i.e., softball.   who knew?

grudgingly, he is going to retire from his weekly game.

ugh…it kills me to see him in pain!

have avoided writing about it, until now.  bit anxious for the week ahead.

we’re a fine pair, aren’t we?!

if anything, please pray that he will get the pass on surgery from the doc!!


gotta love the give-aways!

guess what people!!??

I have one extra copy of What the Walrus Knows, by Sarah Seidelmann!!

and a bonus monkey on top of that!! I will send this autographed copy to the first person that completes survey questions that follow at the bottom of this post…correctly and completely!!!

just a little bit on Sarah’s “Eccentric Field Guide to Working with Beastie Energies”…it’s fabulous, fun, and so user friendly!

Sarah provides a practical and easy to understand view into how animals (real and imaginary) can provide us with valuable information about what’s going on not just around us but within us. she is spot on with her “Hummingbird Manifesto” and Tim and I were hooked reading the “Eagle Manifesto”…which appears to be pointed right at my husband with his Osprey visits!

you can also find Sarah on iTunes…(sidebar>;>;>;I listened to her awesome and down to earth piece on Coyotes – remember the Coyote I saw?)


and on amazon.com…


check out What the Walrus Knows, by Sarah Seidelmann! you will be blown away!

so here’s where your quiz comes in! go on, give it your best shot beasties! 🙂

(btw, if you’re having trouble posting responses via WordPress – you can email or FB me with your answers! 🙂

1. what did my coyote visit say to me?

2. how many times have I talked about green smoothies – on my blog, not FB!

3. how often am I supposed to give my shots?

4. what the heck is a lucid dream?

5. what are three of my MS related symptoms?

and for extra credit: who are your beasties? 🙂

good luck! you have until end of President’s Day Pacific Time to provide your responses…unless compelling circumstances prohibit your timely response!


ps…a blue heron shows up periodically at the pond where we live!

what does your egg look like?

I got to thinking about eggs earlier this week. well, actually for over a week now.

yes, I’m a strange bird. ha!

is it a coincidence that there are birds all around me?

how pretty and perfect they are… I thought as I submerged twelve golden eggs in a bath of boiling water Sunday night.

perfect just the way they are. aren’t we all like that?

I couldn’t stop watching them as they started to gently wiggle in the water.

sidebar>>this is the first time I have hard-boiled an egg since junior high. seriously. I got an F on that project. ha!

“how long do we let them go,” I ask my husband from my position hanging over the pot.

coming from a person who lives in oneness, I expect his reply to be, “when they are ready, you will know…”

(for a moment, I believe that I should be able to connect with my eggs boiling away…)

“seven minutes, baby.” was his reply.

I double check the gas, and set the timer for seven minutes.

excellent. I have seven minutes to watch these beauties cook.

while engrossed in watching the eggs, I realize that no new thoughts have entered my mind.

sidebar#2>>>I have been reading all about wordlessness – it is hard to do – but it gets easier with practice. how many thoughts have scampered through your mind since you started reading this? probably more than you realize. i.e., what is this woman droning on about now? I hope that Ben picks Courtney. I hate that Courtney b*tch. is it payday today? I’m scared to go to the doctor next week. what are we going to do this weekend? hopefully nothing.

amazing, huh?

back to those eggs. I’m now in a mental place where I recognize that access to my right brain is now within reach. darn, I wish I was a lefty – much easier for them!

so I reach away, and just start to watch the thoughts at they float by.

the thought that starts to appear probably grew from an answer to a question I asked at church the other day…”why isn’t Christianity labeled a poly theistic religion…you know, with the holy trinity business?”

the answer, courtesy of Rev. Allison Rainey, this is how I explain it to the kids, you can compare the holy trinity to an egg. all three are one.

I get it. 🙂

sidebar>>>I love it when I feel like a kid again. don’t you? when was the last time that happened to you?

“babe, do you think an egg can be compared to the mind, body, and soul?” I ask, mesmerized by the eggs.

“of course.” I hear him reply from the living room. I love how he gets me. 🙂

“huh. cool. I’ll have to sit on that,” I say. and then put it away when the timer expires. I start the task of retrieving the eggs…returning them one by one to their original egg carton.

“great idea,” my husband says after he limps to the kitchen to check on the egg progress. he nods at the carton being refilled. yeah!

“thanks!” I reply.

so…I put the eggs and egg musings away.

I was in the shower on Monday morning, when the egg metaphor popped into my head again. and it wanted to grow. the thoughts were right on the tip of my tongue (evidence of right brain work).

after I get out of the shower, still dripping with water I write the word egg on my Copaxone daily tracker notebook, and promise myself I will come back to my epiphany (ha!).

and write.

about how eggs come in all shapes, colors, and sizes. there are blue eggs. brown eggs. white eggs. spotted. some are cracked. rotten. eggs that never turn into birds (lots of those out there!). eggs that are made into omelets stuffed with all sorts of things – good and bad. or soft boiled. and hard boiled. there are scrambled eggs. and fried eggs. sunny-side up. sunny-side down. eggs with their yolks removed. eggs with big yolks. eggs that are dyed different colors and hidden. bejeweled eggs, with nothing on the inside.

but they’re all still eggs. regardless.

it made me think that eggs are like us. and animals. all living things. we are all one. but can be turned into many different things. but always from the same three things – mind, body, and soul.

all perfect just the way we are.

there are peeps that are cracked and broken. abandoned. and abused.

some are stuffed so full of goodies that they are overflowing. celebrated. inside and out.

those of us that prefer to remain soft on the inside but hard on the outside. or soft everywhere. or hard everywhere.

what does your egg look like today?


PS>>>hope you all have a great weekend…this was a random post that just wanted to spill out from the curious little girl who still lives in me… 🙂

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.

~Emily Dickinson

the hovering hummingbird.

…the first time this guy performed for me, I thought…hey…that’s so cool!  I’m so lucky to have seen that!

and then he did it again the next day.  and then again?  really?  did I just see that again?

this is no coincidence.

conclusion:  he must be one of my beasties.

he (she?) is gorgeous.  I can only assume he is a he based on what little I know of peacocks.  and mallard ducks (drakes).  and roosters.  though I wouldn’t exactly classify a rooster as gorgeous.  just cocky.  😉

this little guy has a ruby iridescent, shiny decolletage (maybe he is a female ;-).

my hovering hummingbird showed off for me a second time this morning while walking Monty in the park.  and then for an encore performance…tonight.  what a treat!

it’s always the same:  when I walk by his tree where he is perched at the top, he chirps.  flutters his wings.   and then dashes out right in front of me to put on his hover performance.  facing me.

he is clearly proud of his levitation skills.  his wings beating so fast…I can see right through them.  it’s almost like he is frozen in the air while he hovers for about 5 seconds, and then darts back to his tree.  no one else is around, of course.  except monty.  who has her nose to the ground.

backing up a bit…before leaving for our PM walk tonight, I have the urge to check to see if our sliding door is locked.  nope.  lock it.  and look across the pond to find two doves nuzzling each other on our neighbor’s balcony.  they both look over at me after sensing that they had been caught.  cock their heads at me, as if to say, “what?”  and then return to cuddling.

um yeah.  I must be dialed into birds.

not that I particularly like seagulls, but they have been everywhere lately!  and hundreds of them.  if not thousands.  high, high in the sky.  blows me away every time that so many birds can fly in concert with one another.

I will belabor the topic… 😉  we also have an osprey that hangs out in a birch tree directly across from our bedroom window.  my husband loves this eagle.  he commented a couple weeks ago that our eagle is gone.  I said, “he’ll be back, don’t worry.”

the next morning…there he was again.

happy valentine’s day peeps!

hope you had a great day celebrating with your beasties, human or otherwise.


oy vey. not!

what a great day today was.

and not even over yet!

I am sinking in love.

love for what is around me, and within me.  God is definitely there.  I feel God more every day.

woof. woof.  >>>thanks, Pedro, btw for sticking that song in my head all day long!  hopefully it’s in your head now.  🙂

what a great week this has been.  how long has it been since I have said that?  too long.  probably years!  huh.

monday.  coached by an awesome life coach.  after a monster meltdown Monday late afternoon.  everything is changing in three big areas of my life.  maybe for the better?  conclusion:  yes.

tuesday.  movie watching.  easy A.  funny.  but not oscar worthy.  nothing day.  oh.  wait.  MS support group Tuesday night.  interesting.  though on my way, I did see a billboard for the movie (180) written and directed by one of the guys who works for me – crazy!  that is one guy following his passion.

wednesday. I met a fellow MS traveller.  she talked my talk.  and she’s trying the same dietary changes I am.  she scratched copaxone after a year.  I explained my love-hate relationship with it.  she listened.  also…celebrated ten year anniversary with my hub!

thursday.  my therapist hypnotized me.  AMAZE-ing.  released  a lot.  evening church group.  fun.  learning.  debate.  love that!

friday.  awesome yoga class.  much better than a couple of weeks ago – more relaxing than anything.  no internal hissing required.  (oh, I did gentle yoga monday and wednesday as well.)  weird.  I accidentally typed yogo instead of yoga.  that is the trial name for the company where my chick-lit protagonist works.  huh?  why did that pop out?  😉  btw>>>funny name for chick-lit by one of my Canadian friends (warning – don’t read if you prefer G ratings):  cliturature!  ha!

saturday.  joined a work friend to attend the bike MS awards presentation.  awesome.  awesome.  I can’t wait to get back on the bike.  my hub and I decided we will do day one and ride 50 miles.  yikes!  (note>>this is not an official commitment on my behalf!)  we only biked 32.5 miles in 2010!  and that was after months of training.  hmmm. will meditate on this.

all is well.  getting used to having legs that buzz all the time, periodic bee sting shocks, brain fog that descends mid-afternoon, and perpetual pain in my left arm.  all the time.  only one migraine this week!  yeah!  could be worse, right?  (that’s what I have noticed all MS peeps say – it could be worse…I’m not completely sold on that yet – but I get it.  I’m going to try focusing on what IS good today instead…which I totally did not do in the preceding sentences!  ha!)

what did you do this week?  do share.

PS>>oh, I also have been doing a green smoothie a day.  love them!!  a different recipe every day.  I now crave them.  and I have been meditating daily.  it helps.  I envision my lesions glowing like an ember.  and I gently blow them out.  trust me>>it works in my mind.  they are dimming.


ten years…

today is our anniversary!

not wedding anniversary of course.  but ten years from the date when we started to fall in love.  I knew it.  he knew it.  we looked at each other long and hard.  and we were both done.  amazing thing when that mutual energy occurs.  that still happens today.

my husband chimed in when I said I was writing about the double digits.

haha.  suuuucker!  he laughed.

nope, you’re the sucker,  I retorted.

turns out we’re both pretty mushy when it comes to us.  and I think that has been why we have been so successful.  we honor and respect our relationship – and each other as individuals.  we make time for us.  and celebrate the small things – such as today.  and laugh a lot.  (I think that has made all the difference since MS joined the party.)

feb. 8.  2002.  who’d a thunk that the time would go by so quickly!  I was 27.  he was 30 (almost 31!).  oh how I miss being 27.  not!  I was still a kid and could act like one too.  ha!  actually, that will probably never change.  for either one of us. 🙂  I’m glad that I am where I am.  and love that we are where we are. other than the MS factor.  but whatever.  more on that later!

today, I’m going to embrace my love of ten years.


walking on the edge.

feels good to me.

turns out.

even just taking minuscule turtle steps forward on the edge feels better than looking at it from far away.

from the comfort of what I know is safe.  or while constantly looking in the rearview mirror.

(sometimes though, a glance in the rearview mirror can be okay – as in, remember when you felt like this before, and it didn’t work out?  ha!)

this is why I keep pushing myself forward.  it is where improvement can be found.  on all fronts.

and that’s how I’m taking on MS.  right to the edge.  with a few peeks over now and then (i.e., explore becoming a volunteer MS mentor).

though with MS, I give myself a pass to pull back when it exceeds my comfort zone.

comes and goes.

it’s still so new.  but when I do pull back…I inspect my thoughts to see what’s going on.  and then I check in with my body.  listen.  feel.

and so…it  becomes a little easier the next time a fear boils to the surface.

I liken the process to an upside down vortex…at the bottom the thoughts are huge and powerful as they spin around and around.  (you might even run into a wicked witch in there, so watch out!)  as the thoughts are worked over and over again…they keep circling upwards until they reach the narrowest part of the vortex.  where they aren’t as strong.  at all.  and then they are gone.  just like that.

I walk on the edge with MS because it forces me to focus on the present moment.  balancing carefully (since I sure don’t know what might be around the corner ;-).  slowly placing one foot in front of the other.  watching my feet.  and my thoughts.  looking ahead and over when I feel comfortable.

butting right up against my comfort zone.  is where I like to be.

turns out.

gotta love discovery!

scary, yes.  but would anyone get anywhere with anything if fear took control?

even while wobbling on the edge.


superbowl XLVI.

the biggest event in professional football.

ooooh.  how I wish I really understood football!

I have seven months after today to learn it fully before college ball kicks off.  again.

a few years ago while at lunch with one of my work girlfriends, I received my first football 101 lesson.  using words that made sense to me.  ha!

since then, I have at least been better able to track what’s happening during a game.

learning football is always on my New Year resolution list.  but I just can’t seem to get into it all the way.  though I was excited when the Oregon Ducks won the Rose Bowl.   much to the annoyance of all my friends who are SC fans.

how did I go to Wilson High in Long Beach and not pick up football?

oh,  yeah.  then I pick a uni that doesn’t even have a football team.  go figure.

turns out…I grew up in England.

(sidebar huh>>>wonder if my environment had anything to do with MS joining the game?)

they play a different version of football over there.  (note>>didn’t pick that one up either!)

and this was also well before the internet made it possible to stream games or provide lessons about football.  we were exceptionally lucky if there was an AMERICAN football game broadcast on one of our four TV channels.

and if there was one broadcast, it was usually in the middle of the night.   um, no thanks.

of course I end up marrying a guy who loves, I’m mean really loves, football.  especially college football.  he spent one day…fourteen hours straight watching football (before me).  he still talks about that day.

sidebar>>> he just pointed out that he did that on more than one occasion.

so I do my best to share his enthusiasm.

sometimes I do.  and other times I don’t…but that’s infrequent.  😉

all I do know…is that when he asks me, “baby, you know where he played his college football, right?”

the answer is always, “uh, huh…Miami.”

but today, I’m looking forward to what comes along with the Superbowl.  the commercials.

as a wanna-be marketing guru, I love ’em.  I still talk about the brilliant Hyundai commercial from three years ago.   and anything with Betty White is fabu.

so I can bleed my enthusiasm into the game.

what do you do for your loved ones?