walking on the edge.

feels good to me.

turns out.

even just taking minuscule turtle steps forward on the edge feels better than looking at it from far away.

from the comfort of what I know is safe.  or while constantly looking in the rearview mirror.

(sometimes though, a glance in the rearview mirror can be okay – as in, remember when you felt like this before, and it didn’t work out?  ha!)

this is why I keep pushing myself forward.  it is where improvement can be found.  on all fronts.

and that’s how I’m taking on MS.  right to the edge.  with a few peeks over now and then (i.e., explore becoming a volunteer MS mentor).

though with MS, I give myself a pass to pull back when it exceeds my comfort zone.

comes and goes.

it’s still so new.  but when I do pull back…I inspect my thoughts to see what’s going on.  and then I check in with my body.  listen.  feel.

and so…it  becomes a little easier the next time a fear boils to the surface.

I liken the process to an upside down vortex…at the bottom the thoughts are huge and powerful as they spin around and around.  (you might even run into a wicked witch in there, so watch out!)  as the thoughts are worked over and over again…they keep circling upwards until they reach the narrowest part of the vortex.  where they aren’t as strong.  at all.  and then they are gone.  just like that.

I walk on the edge with MS because it forces me to focus on the present moment.  balancing carefully (since I sure don’t know what might be around the corner ;-).  slowly placing one foot in front of the other.  watching my feet.  and my thoughts.  looking ahead and over when I feel comfortable.

butting right up against my comfort zone.  is where I like to be.

turns out.

gotta love discovery!

scary, yes.  but would anyone get anywhere with anything if fear took control?

even while wobbling on the edge.



4 thoughts on “walking on the edge.

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