chance of clouds? again?

geeesh. I have been so frickin’ moody since MS showed up. I blame it on the lesions close to my amygdala. oh. and the fact that everything in my life is changing. some things for the better. actually. many things for the better. 🙂

up and down. down and up. up and up. repeat. complete with a weekly crescendo – either up or down. arrival day undetermined.

must be leftover from a swing accident as a seven year old. I was swinging as as high as possible in our beautiful English garden. but cut short rapidly after leaning my head back, far back just as the downswing started…and ended up planting my forehead in the grass. while the swing did what it does…keeping me moving with my forehead bumping along the grass.

ouch! what a shock.

still shocks me every time I swing downhill these days. it always has. this is not new to me. so I’m not sure why it still surprises me!

my therapist says this behavior is completely normal. she would be more concerned if I wasn’t processing my emotions. huh. dis-allowing the yuck to bubble to the surface. she is proud of me for my hard work! wow. my ego loves compliments like that. 😉

so what does the down side look like…?

blast. I can see my black cloud in the distance. carefully watching it out of the corner of my eye. assessing why it’s there. good grief, what now? frustration as I watch it slowly start to descend. picking up speed as it nears me. so I pull out my gloves, ready for the pounce. the war wages against the black cloud. I try my hardest to fight it. and elegantly forget all my life coaching tools. all the tidbits I have picked up in life. things that have helped me keep moving forward. eventually, I start to remember what to do. I verbalize my emotions. or slap them on the page. get outside. and, once I stop fighting my emotions it gets mildly worse (tears – good grief!). and then…always a happy surprise…better. the cloud clears. and life is good. I feel normal. and alive. I’m back.

brilliant quote from one of my artist’s way friends…

we live up to the labels we give ourselves! good and bad. I love this quote. I had been living up to the label the last few weeks, I’m depressed. (depression>;>;>;MS symptom.) as opposed to, I still have some sadness to work through when it comes to MS. that thought feels much, much better!

thank you, God, for helping me through the clouds.


ps. st. John’s wort helps!


2 thoughts on “chance of clouds? again?

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