um. yeah.

I’m back at work.


yesterday started out well.  lots of love from my work peeps.  all good.  today was better.  my confidence returned.  yesterday, I was a bit nerve-y.

but, it’s exhausting.  I could not stop yawning in an IT meeting this afternoon!  I felt so bad.  and I have been sleeping in 45 mins. longer than I used to.  no wonder I would inject my body with 20 ounces of Startbucks and a Redbull by 11AM in the old days.  yet still barely made it through the day!

I was sitting in my office this afternoon working on a quarterly report.  pause.

and look over at the blown up deconstructed daily calendar pages from April 19, 2011 Feb. 21- 25, 2011, of The Arnolfini Marriage that I have taped to the wall right by my desktop.  (that is the painting that allowed me to pass my AP Art History test in high school.  the painting still fascinates me.  even though I don’t find it particularly attractive.)

I digress.

a wave of surreal-ness washes over me at that exact moment.

I never left.  did I?  maybe the last eight months was just a dream.

or maybe I’m dreaming now – ha!

enough about work!

so, I saw my brain on Monday at my new neurologist’s office.  um. yeah.   now, that was SURREAL.  (yes, I’m on my third neurologist.)

another wowzer.

this doc is good!  he spent over an hour with me.  listened actively.  ran more tests than the last two.  and has ordered additional blood tests (27 vials!) to rule other things out that can mimic MS.

how much do I wish that might be the case!  or do I?

so I had nine vials drawn on Tuesday.  more (as in 18) on Friday the 13th.  as they wouldn’t do them all at once.   the girl was good – no bruising, and fast.  I’m also going in for another MRI.  of my NECK.  the one part of my central nervous system that the last two neurologists said that they didn’t need to see up close, despite the fact that I was exhibiting symptoms of a cervical spinal cord lesion.  huh.  that never sat well with me.

the new doc said he’s mostly sure that I’m presenting MS based on my brain MRI and progression of symptoms.  but he wants to rule out everything else.  he showed me the MRI from 2005 MRI and how the two tiny spots that were lit up back then…have grown.  and that I have Dawson’s fingers fingering my brain.  lovely.  not.  but awesome; he seems genuinely interested in my overall well-being.

and to top it off…he says that Copaxone is the most effective treatment from his experience!  walking through his office that sits on top of the palm trees swaying over Newport Bay (or is it Balboa?), I would say he’s seen a lot of  MS peeps.

so, I’m doing my daily shot again.  I was only doing it six-ish days a week.  it gets old, yes.  but if I can battle my lesions with my lower stress level, diet, and self care.  and the nasty nightly injection.  I’ll do it.  🙂

I’m happy.  my hub is happy.  my dog…may not be as happy.  😉



4 thoughts on “um. yeah.

  1. HI Erin,
    Love when you described the moment of strangeness looking at yourself at work. I totally GOT IT. You really pulled me in and I felt the ride that you have been on and still are, poor baby. All that blood..jeez. What a balancing act life is. The thought that this isn’t classic MS seems intriguing to me, as I have never seen it as that..but I’m no psychic..just intuitive..You are certainly on an interesting journey my Aries friend. Keep seeking!
    love you

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