fyi…

really digging the returning to school concept.  I like the idea of my name, followed by an M and an A.

ha!

had a call today with one school.

and they interviewed me.  was not expecting that!

very inspired.

but…for all practical purposes…timing must be considered.  finances.  and the weekly hourly commitment.

that’s all.

so, how is your week going?  I would love to know!

xo

PS.  know a cheap guitar instructor?  my beauty is still silently resting on the white leather recliner.

PPS.  realize I’ve been a bit off the blog lately, but that’s okay.  I’ll get back on.  I miss my dialogues.  been working on them in my psy-chick-lit novel instead.

PPPS.  ok…I’ll go completely off topic here.  cool dream over the past weekend.  full of animals.  loved it.  Saturday night, I dreamt of a family of seals, a polar bear, and a killer whale.  all on the same buoy.  off the coast in Huntington Beach.  really cool meanings.   again.   really cool.  goose-bumps galore.  so relevant for where I am in my life.  and I have never read up on any of the preceding totem animals until after I dreamed of them.  crazy.  last week I was visited by a talking hippo.  (in a dream, yes.)  wonder who is going to show up tonight.  😉

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brilliance…

I took a nap this afternoon.

and it was the most peaceful sleep that I can remember. I placed an eye pillow over my eyes, and drifted easily and freely into my dreams…(this never happens to me!)

I awoke when the flax-seed pillow fell…and opened my eyes to a room filled with white brilliance.

it felt like I was in Heaven. the world was so light and bright.

I looked around, and was filled with love.

~

the excerpt below is from Kayce Stevens Hughlett’s book, As I Lay Pondering, Daily Invitations to Live a Transformed Life…another glimpse into brilliance. and I know her. how cool is that? 😉

enjoy…

May 25.

Stop. Breathe. Listen.

what has happened?

where did my spaciousness go?

waxing. waning.

full moon gone behind a cloud of busyness.

life feels too fast. like a poorly trained runner, I’m out of breath. only moments ago, living felt spacious, inviting, and oh-so-wonderful. now choices compete. early morning yoga or necessary sleep? work on the to-do list or spend time journaling? create artwork or complete a beckoning project? magazine clippings sit at the corner of my desk whispering, “create me into something.”

create me into something. is that my prayer today? I don’t want these days to pass so quickly; only filled with busyness. my longing is to be intentional. to stop and listen to the Universe. to see where my path is leading. to follow the rhythms of my soul. it is a fabulous paradox. when I take time for myself, I seem to have abundant time in other places. when I give to others, I receive blessings in return that I cannot count.

the words are difficult forming, yet time has graciously slowed. the spaciousness is returning as I stop, breathe, and listen.

what are the paradoxes in your life?

where do you need to slow down? breathe? listen?

take a moment now to experience spaciousness now as you follow the rise and fall of breath.

~

if you loved the above, you can find Kayce’s book on Amazon – highly, highly, recommend. the preceding is only a glimpse into her magic…

xo

http://www.amazon.com/As-Lay-Pondering-invitations-transformed/dp/0615590071/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338079416&sr=1-1

what next?

this is a question that has been weighing on me. for months.

no, the last three years.

correction: most of my adult life.

unfortunately, I am not in the possession of a crystal ball. darn it! that would make things so much easier.

(but who wants easy? that’s the whole point, isn’t it?)

nor have I finessed my clairvoyant skills to perfection. huh.

have tried a psychic. once or twice. in hopes of answers about which way to go.

to my amazement there are peeps that can actually see things that are unseen to the masses. freaks me out a little bit! but sure piques my curiosity.

but, my mind always races for something new. and forward-thinking.

all the time.

not a day goes by when I’m not looking forward. and wondering what if? and how long will what is, persist? (good and bad.)

who am I? what is up next? always at the top of my thoughts.

do I take this class next? or that class? or take them all at once? the one that is most frustrating: what book should I read next? ha!

so…here is my current list (being a planner by nature, this helps):

  • another session of UCI’s memoir, fact or fiction extension course. this is a late night class, so I have to balance with my sleep requirement.
  • Myers-Briggs certification. can do this online. but also lots of hours.
  • good vibe academy training. I love LOA. I get it. note to self: lots of time. more hours than the preceding two items.

(my hub says that I swing between the practical, rational, and corporate type. and the woo-woo, hippie, and new age vibe – which really isn’t all that new, if one takes a closer look.)

I digress.

  • finish up my pro-bono Martha Beck hours.
  • followed by MB certification. not to be confused with Myers-Briggs.
  • master’s degree in Psychology. do I do Positive Psychology? or Transpersonal Psych? huh.
  • learn how to master gluten-free cooking.
  • and play the guitar.
  • perfect the perfect tree pose.
  • finish writing my books.
  • volunteer at the HB art center.
  • and local animal shelter.

where is the time? to do all this, and manage my health. geesh!

when all I need to do is sit with my thoughts. and breathe. do some nothing.

write.

and allow the priorities to align.

then everything becomes clear.

xo

peace.

my hub and I made a yum-o dinner last night. I love it when we make dinner together! (corn quesadillas stuffed with brie, salami, and kale.) good leftovers for lunch today!

after we finished eating…or actually while we were eating, I checked my email and FB page. (my hub was focused on watching the AMGEN Tour of California while I surfed.)

as I was spooling through FB, I experienced something I have not experienced in quite some time: envy.

envy – what a lovely emotion! it’s so valuable, huh? very attractive too!

ummm, no. quite the opposite in fact!

why compare oneself to others? each of us is flat-out different from everyone ELSE out there. period.

so how did the envy show up?

one more

of my fellow life coach colleagues announced she had just received her certification! yeah for her!!

not so yeah for me, or not so yeah for me once I twisted it up.

enter the following thoughts…

stupid MS, why’d you have to show up and cut my training short by four weeks? I would be certified by now if you hadn’t taken up so much of my time.

immediately followed by…

I should have done my pro-bono hours before MS showed up

which dissolved into…

I’m not good enough. which raced around for a minute.

until I stopped the spiraling. (I love that this is ALWAYS an option!)

and turned it around to…

I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. and doing a much better job than I ever have when it comes to taking care of my health. on all fronts. as a result of MS showing up.

that feels a heck of a lot better than the preceding rapid fire thoughts.

after working through this, I felt a wave of peace wash over me. and that felt even better.

xo

summer is coming…

…Monty just dragged us outside so she could pee. plus some. poor doggy!

unusual behavior for me: I jumped at the chance to take her downstairs when it was clear that she needed to go.

felt so good to get outside. cool air = good. grateful that the puppers grabbed the hub too. there are coyotes everywhere at night where we live. and sure enough, my hub saw one in the distance.

it’s been so warm the past few days. feels so warm to me @ 75 degrees. ha!

me – one of those women who is was permanently cold.

no more. since MS joined the party. ugh! this was my first reminder in the last two weeks.

my legs are on fire. and buzzing like a banshee.

and it’s only 59 degrees right now!

I have to be honest and say this development is making me a tad nervous with what is predicted to be one HOT summer on the horizon. and no a/c in our condo! sidebar>;>;>;heat exacerbates symptoms.

huh. an a/c install might need to be added to the horizon.

cripey. I was so looking forward to a peace-full summer. but, that’s not to say it won’t happen.

I will remain optimistic!

just needed to vent while my legs settle down. did that work? um. yeah. sure. in slo-mo.

more later.

what were you doing @ 3AM Pacific Time?

xo

love, love…

wow, another week has passed.

and it’s Friday again!  yahoo!

five and 1/2 weeks since I’ve been back at work.

and it keeps getting better!  I love being back.  still shocks me-ha!

it’s exhausting, yes, but I’m feeling incredible!!  still reeling from my appointment last week!  my body is catching up too.  🙂

sooo…yesterday morning a hummingbird showed up while I was walking in to work.

this little guy popped out of the bushes directly to my right as I was walking by!  it was so cool!  I almost squealed with delight!  but quickly remembered that I should maintain my corporate composure.  especially since I was talking and walking with a co-worker when this occurred – ha!

but the hummingbird knew I saw him.

so he hovered.  two feet away from me, at eye level.  and looked right at me.

it felt like God was close enough to reach out and touch me!

and then he ducked back in the bushes before my co-walker noticed something out of the ordinary.

another thing that’s been out the ordinary or not>>>I have been reading a new author, Jeannette Maw.

like crazy.  and listening to her over and over again as I drive to and from work.  inspiration 101!

I have discovered the beauty of pray rain journaling.  so cool.  and a great addition to my morning pages.  makes me smile just thinking about it!

it was Ms. Maw that helped me get through my mega blood draw last month after reading her blog on my iPhone.  (may have all ready shared this!)>>>I said out loud to my husband while we were waiting, “I can’t wait to have eighteen (unknown at that time it would be nineteen) vials of blood drawn!”  we couldn’t NOT laugh.  and it made all the difference.  🙂

here I digress…so June is shaping up to be a busy month all ready!

and it’s not even June!

we have my Dad coming in for four nights.  and then our super-smart-live-in-most-moments buddy from Chicago, who currently lives in Atlanta…for another long weekend!  (ahem, I’d like some female visitors, please!  🙂

plus, I’m going to finish the first draft of my novel by end of June!  that’s a lofty goal.  eeek!  I came up with a new idea on the way in to work today.  huh.  must go write.  now.

ooooh…but back to May.  the hub and I have a mini-break coming up.  can’t wait!  and the hub is kicking the boot to the curb next week.  yeah!  he was a rock-star doing two miles last weekend for Walk MS!  thank you to my friends for donating!!  official thank you cards on the agenda for this weekend!  it was fantastic!

what have you loved this week?  I would love to hear!

xo

OMG!

…so today was the BEST frickin’ day I have had in ages!

(yes, I realize, I’m squealing like a tween.)

I mean, I’ve had good days…don’t get me wrong…

but today, completely knocked my socks off!!!

it flat out ROCKED!!

so, let me set the scene.

I am 30 minutes early for a follow-up appointment with my neurologist.

to discuss the results of my COGNITIVE testing.

eeek.

tried not to think about it too much since I took what I thought was a very stressful test!

nor did I tell anyone that I was taking it…you know…for privacy reasons, of course. or whatever. but once I leaned into taking the test, I laughed when I realized that I helped run some of the same tests back at UCI.

back to the scene. 🙂

I sit in my favorite spot on the couch looking out through the windows while I wait for my name to be called. (yeah, I’m kinda like Sheldon on Big Bang Theory.) watching the palm trees gently list in a soft breeze. almost touching the low clouds that have been hanging around the OC this week.

and remembering to breathe. and accept what is. or what may be. since I know nothing at this moment in time.

‘erin, we’re ready for you,’ I hear from behind me.

‘how are you?’ I ask, as the woman (who administered the test) holds the door open for me. she looks tired, I think to myself.

‘I’m okay, how are you?’

‘I’m great, thank you!’ I reply. probably with a hint of shrill. I walk behind her by about ten steps to the examination room. silly legs still don’t want to move as fast as I want them to. right now. working on that.

she motions for me to have a seat. pulls up my records on the high-tech flat screen.

blood pressure. check.

diastolic number higher than normal. or whatever the bottom number is called.

‘don’t worry about it, these monitors are way too sensitive.’

I laugh. nervous.

‘are you still taking St. John’s Wort?’

‘no, I stopped right after I saw the doc last month.’

she updates my file. and leaves. drat, I think to myself. I like this girl. I could use some good company right now. whatever, I self-coach. I can do this. I got this.

my neuro appears after about 10 minutes of alone time.

‘how are you doing?’ he walks in with authority and a big smile. hand outstretched.

‘I’m really good, actually. thank you.’ turns out, I am. and shake his hand.

he sits down and starts pulling up my file. this guy has mastered the art of multi-tasking. I watch him as he scans through my file, while continuing to talk to me.

‘all right, we’re here to go over your cognitive results. we’ll go over your cervical spine MRI and blood work next time I see you.’

I nod. though before he can go into my results. I find my voice.

‘you know when I saw you last month? you said something to me, that really stuck with me.’

‘uh oh, I hope it wasn’t bad?’

‘no, no, quite the opposite. and it has really helped. you said that when MS peeps are strong, positive, and resume life as best as possible…they are the ones who do the best. I started working on that before I even saw you, but hearing you say that…really made it stick. I’ve gone back to work…and I’m so grateful that I did. it has been the best thing for me…the routine…being around people all day long…using my left brain – ha! plus, I am at the point where I don’t think that I have MS every day. it’s awesome.’

he swivels his stool around to look at me. and says, ‘keep doing what you’re doing then. just keep doing what you’re doing. and it will turn from every other day to every other week, and so on.’

‘okay, let’s see how you performed on your seven cognitive modalities.’

‘bring it on,’ I murmur.

he inputs a few update commands, and I see the % stop at 98.2%.

‘how do you think you did?’ he asks.

‘okay, I guess…but it stressed me out. and I know I pressed the wrong mouse button for GREEN when it was supposed to be RED.’ I answer to his chuckle. he leans back as much as one can lean back on a stool.

‘my dear, I don’t see numbers this high. ever. I think your results are the highest I have seen out of all my MS patients. and this test is comparing you against people who don’t have MS. so this is remarkable.’

‘really?’ I ask, disbelieving.

‘yes, and we also ran two other tests for depression and anxiety, and your results are inconsistent with someone who is depressed and anxious.’

I can’t say anything, I’m stunned.

‘do you think you’re depressed?’

‘well, I have a blue day here and there, but I work myself out from it.’

‘excellent. excellent. the two things I want you to work on are your attention span and information speed processing – they are related, you know.’

‘um, yeah, my attention span is directly related to how interested I am in the topic that I’m reading. which can then be correlated to how quickly I’ll pick things up. it’s always been that way.’

an SAT verbal exam flashes through my thoughts. I hated the reading comprehension questions. because they were always so UNinteresting. you know what I’m talking about, don’t you?

‘so, here’s what I want you to do. I want you to keep doing whatever it is that you’re doing. because it’s working. and we’ll see these numbers even higher than this next year.’

‘this makes me so happy,’ is all I can muster at this point.

a challenge. I always like a challenge. bring it on. it’s official. I am my own worst enemy. my own insecurities stop used to stop me from moving forward. I think I officially made peace with myself today. and that feels so good.

xo

walking…

for MS.  first time.

well, not with walking – ha! – but with MS.

this is new.

where it’s happening:  UCI, outer ring.  you know, UCI, where the original Planet of the Apes was filmed?!

I walked this walk over and over and over again.  back in the day.  🙂

here is my team’s link if you’re interested in helping out some MS peeps:

http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Walk/CASWalkEvents?team_id=271299&pg=team&fr_id=18074

they really need it.  and anything helps!

the National MS Society – Pacific Chapter = amazing.

’nuff said.

oh wait, one more thing…we get to bring Monty-dog along.  yeah!

xo