resetting by proxy is sometimes required.

so yeah.  struggled with resetting this week.

and felt completely out of alignment with the real me.

that is so ancient history!

Gertie wanted to find some FEAR in her life.  so she made some up.

genius, she is.  my lizard brain.  crafty bugger!

she was tired of being ignored.  so decided to make me pay attention to her.  she started with some evil whispers…watch out.  what are you doing??   what do you think you are doing? 

which quickly evolved into criticism.  trying to take a risk, are you?  silly girl.  this is going to end up in the loo.  and you are going to be a mess as a result.  you better run, dear.  fight or flight!  you know you always pick the flight.  don’t ya?  she cackled and goaded me for most of Thursday and all of Friday.

until I ended up a heap of a blubbering mess Friday night.  at my own hands.  all my life coaching skills.  locked out.  Gertie likes to shut the front door on them.

gotta love that.  no, really, NOT.

so.  my hub had to reset me.

because…for the first time in a long time, I could not do it myself.  I was such a mess.  because I had been feeding Gertie the treats she loves to snack on.  the self-deprecating remarks.  the, I’ll never amount to anything, comments.  the, why am I so different from everyone else?  new one – eureka!  this is why no one gets me – I’m an INFJ.  why did I have to get stuck with such a sucky MBTI type…the one that is destined for a challenging life?  oh yeah.  and let’s not forget:  why did I get shafted with MS?  waaaahhhh.  waaaaahhh!  (side bar>>> actually, the waaahhs are more for literary effect.  since I’m an I – I don’t really vocalize my hysterics.  😉

really?  come on, you have such a bad life?  my hub snapped at me, pausing my tears.

and starting the reset cycle.  he followed by listing everything that is going well in our lives.

then he made me smile.  and laugh.

what in the h*ll did I do to land this amazing man??  oh wait.  don’t start-up again.  😉

beautiful!  one of my finer moments.  but looking back.  the hub and I both had a hard week.  which is probably why my F (see above) wanted to extravert all over the place by Friday evening.  (fyi, the ‘a’ in extrAvert is courtesy of Jung 🙂  oh.  and I learned again about my inner critic in EFT training on Monday.  huh.  wonder why Gertie showed up this week?  d’uh!

lesson from MS.  live in the moment.  that is ALL any one of us has.  EVER.  life can suck in the moment.  then it doesn’t.  and it’s beautiful and fun again.  the cycle continues.

so why waste the present on something that hasn’t even happened yet?  I used to do this all the time!  probably why I was blessed with MS.  to teach me the afore-mentioned lesson.

my hub also pointed out the fact that we have a living embodiment and reminder to do just that.  nodding his head at our Monty.  who was just standing there, smile on her face, tongue hanging lopsided, tail wagging.

live in the moment.  think about it.

xox

ps.  thanks for letting me vomit all over the page.  though I’m feeling so much better today after resetting last night!

pps.  and to all my co-INFJs out there.  no offense.  please!  you peeps know that self-discovery is in our soul make-up.  😉  xo

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6 thoughts on “resetting by proxy is sometimes required.

  1. I always thought I was alone in how my lizard uses my Myers Brigg type as a weapon! (ENFP.: goal is to have a goal… where will that ever take me?!) As usual your openness helps me feel less alone. X

    • I love that you get this, Betsy!! thank you! I will have to do some investigation on ENFP. interesting. I get the E’s and the T’s. learning about the S’s and the P’s. interesting. xo

  2. Hi Erin,
    I have a MB profile…can’t remember what it is, maybe I should look it up or maybe not… :-0
    What is EFT training? I am in a place and time where everything is new, every day I have to learn something new these days just to survive/exist. I’m in school, got a new phone (the worst), seeing a new therapist and drudging up lots of emotional goo, new job starting soon….sometimes I wish I could spend a day doing what I know how to do. You have lots of new too, it is sometimes overwhelming, no doubt. Thanks for the reminder to stay present, one thing at a time. Little successes along the way and thank God for the little mistakes, the little accidents that give me messages on how to try different next time. Never easy…
    Monica

    • Monica, Monica….you are going through so much…I can feel it! just know…you will make it through. emotional goo – love that expression!! EFT – emotional freedom transformation or technique – whichever boats your float. 😉 it is basically ‘tapping’ on your seven meridians. it works. can’t explain it, don’t need to. the core – is accepting yourself completely and deeply!! love to you. xox
      ps. been listening to our AW recordings. how much we have all grown. 🙂

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