failure.

despite passing my first two MBTI exams, I received the first real, honest feedback yesterday.  right, because the exams weren’t feedback?  uh huh.  😉

at first, I was stung.  and stunned.  ego wounded.  no, crushed.

in typical INFJ style.

I was so mad at myself.

how can I fail so soon?

I know this stuff.  

I have my degree in Psychology for frick’s sake!

after nursing my tears back inside (courtesy of a monthly deluge of hormones), I asked myself what any other good life coach would ask herself:

what is perfect about this?

huh? initial reaction.

really.  how can any good come of criticism?  anyway, I’m used to criticism.  I let it slide off me like teflon or whatever.  uh huh.  right.

but then I readjusted my frame.

was it really criticism or might it have been constructive criticism?

hmmm.

ummm.  maybe?  not sure.

thought harder next go round.  could the instructor maybe have been gently trying to help me?

whaaaat??  hold the horses.  is that true?

after sitting on that thought for an hour.  and one more hour.  I came to the conclusion, that…yes.  she was.

so I returned to my email full of feedback.  and re-read each sentence.  carefully looking for clues that she might not actually be out to disable me.

and I read it over again.  and again.

until I found a Eureka!

and there it was – shining like a newly buffed jewel.

yes!  she was trying to help me!  and help me – yes, she did!

I got it.

all the teeth fell easily into place.  and, of course, I immediately felt so silly for belaboring the concept.

really, it took me two hours to figure that out?  what’s wrong with me?  😉

so.  simple solution:  I resubmitted my assignment.  (insert hub laughing at me here.)

and received some immediate positive feedback.

wow.  really?  me?  please tell me I did a good job, I wanted to plead.  but I refrained.  thankfully avoiding some pathetic-ness.

crazy how it takes a few tries before something sticks.  and is not taken personally.

(turns out – this behavior is exceptionally characteristic of my personality type – see prior posts where I expressed extreme dissatisfaction with my type – ha!)

turns out.  there really is good in failing.  it is the best way to learn.  and I have learned my lesson.  finally!  and after laughing at myself.  (that is also characteristic of the INFJ – we laugh at ourselves and our ridiculous-ness once we let something go!  we’re not crazy.  just a bit crazed sometimes.  😉

life lesson #33, most of the time…the only time we move forward is when we fail.

when was the last time you failed?  and adjusted?  and then failed again, but not as quite as hard as the first time?

and when did you reach the point of – wow, if x and y hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be in Z??  how different my life would be if neither had happened…and it was only x and z that made all the difference… 

xo

ps.  holy cow – I have another assignment to submit tomorrow…

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2 thoughts on “failure.

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