to bang. or not to bang. really? i just selected this for the title? what is wrong with me… ;-)

well that was the question. or a gratuitous question. to say the least. 😉

so I have been belaboring the concept of cutting bangs (again) for years! I think since 2006? not sure. can’t remember.

I have always had bangs, until I grew them out in the 90s.

and then I kept asking myself, what the heck took you so long?

being eternally stricken with a larger than average forehead, my mother always said I needed to have bangs so that I could cover it up.

huh? whaaat?

didn’t feel so big once I grew out my bangs. the only thing that had been big, was my bangs. I schallaqued them until they were a giant puff growing out of my horrific forehead.

I would have done anything to cover up that monstrosity!

but then I found the courage to let that fringe grow out. wow.

freedom from the high-maintenance bangs! whoo hoo!!

but after MS, I began to reconsider what I had always believed as being a necessity in my life: I needed to hide behind my hair. even after growing out the bangers (as my friend in England used to call them), I kept the rest of my body of fine, fine hair growing long and flowing…and fluffy.

I was so proud of my long hair.

but then I would cut it shorter periodically. and then immediately grow it out again, fearful that people would actually see me.

after chopping my hair pretty good in 2010 (a whopping four inches), I let it grow and keep growing until 2012.

until one day, when I looked in the mirror post-MS, and all I saw was hair with a tiny white face peering out.

and realized that I wanted to cut my hair. do something different.

and cut some bangs while I was at it. whaaat? perhaps for security.

I belabored the bang concept heavily for the last six weeks (ask my girlfriends. and sister!). I knew I was going to do something. but hadn’t quite decided between the chop or the bang.

so while sitting in the salon chair with my high and lowlights processing, checking facebook at the same time…I scrolled across a post from my aunt.

right. it flashed by so quickly.

but I felt the need to go back and read what she had to say. I had to read it.

yes. I knew it was coming. and it shouldn’t have been a surprise:

tomorrow would have been my cousin’s 40th birthday.

whaaaat?

repeat. I knew it was coming.

then I heard, just cut the friggin’ bangs! just not too short! followed by a friendly chuckle.

and my voice popped in, life is too short to worry whether or not bangs are a good idea or not. I want them again. and not for the reason to cover my monstrous forehead. I just do!

and so I said to the hairdresser after she pulled out all the foils. let’s do this. the bangs. and if I cry, it’s because my cousin was killed last month. not because of the bangs.

thanks cuz. happy birthday, Damian. love you, man.

hope you pop open a Blue Moon tonight. while you keep a close eye on the rest of us muggles.

the hub and I saw a giant orange moon tonight, just over the horizon as we walked home from a late dinner.

ps. or sidebar. I saw two patches of a rainbow last night walking out from work. has anyone ever seen a rainbow patch? in the middle of the sky? I haven’t (though I have seen a rainbow where it touches down to the earth. when living in England).

had to remove my sunglasses to make sure I was actually seeing what I was seeing. turns out I was. there was a rainbow smudge to the right of the sun. I shook my head in disbelief. where is the rest of the rainbow? and then I looked to the left. and there was another identical patch of rainbow. wowzer!

has anyone ever seen this before?? I would love to know!

thanks God for showing up this week.

and if anyone can help me understand why I make the most odd connections, by all means, shout it out!

xo

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “to bang. or not to bang. really? i just selected this for the title? what is wrong with me… ;-)

  1. Good for you! I have had a similar experience with bangs — growing up was told I “needed” them, and as an adult I grew them out. You are beautiful and I’m glad you are finding ways to BE SEEN and express yourself! And happy birthday, Damian.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s