> 50K words.

done and done.

in 29 days.  wowzer!  all in accordance with NaNoWriMo guidelines.  50K words in the month of November.  fiction.  new.

how much fun November was!  I cannot remember a better, more fun, fulfilling span of time!

how good, strong, and healthy did I feel.

now I can finally say that I have written 50,000 words of fiction.

currently, words are escaping me.  as the hub said tonight, I can take a break.

but I’m not done yet! was my reply.  as I scratched out chapters 7-13 titles last night.

so I will continue.

I have not felt more alive than did over the last month.  so why not?

will the real unicorn please stand up?

xo

ps.  last MRI results = beautiful.

a boy called Gus.

I type this while our little girl is snuggled up next to me.

her head resting on my thigh.

one long ear draped over my left wrist.

peaceful sighs leaving her body.  breathing in and out.

she purrs like our Chloe.  I have never heard a dog purr.  but our girl does.

I wonder if that’s something Monty would have taught Gus.

a boy we would have called Gus.  the dog we will never know.

it still makes be sad that we will never know him or see him grow.  what would have been our Gus stories?

yet we made the right decision not to take him.

we got caught up in the puppy love.  he was so soft and squishy.  who wouldn’t??

we just wanted more love in our house after the last few years we have had…too many losses.

but then wise reality started to wriggle her way in.  think of the effort, she whispered.  and time.  the messes.  the frustrations.  his size.  and your poor girl was scared, remember?? what would happen if they were home alone together, and he snagged Red Bear??  

er. yes.  our girl was scared.  and we ignored her.

so we began discussing what could happen if this or that should occur? guilt and shame followed forgetting that we have all the love we want (and need) from our girl.

one is enough.  enough.

xo

week one. done.

week one on Copaxone 40mg/3x/week is DONE.

and all I can say is, I’m completely…no, utterly sold on the new freedom 3x a week is bringing.  and I just feel better all the way around.

so much freedom, the hub and I are considering doggy #2.  (we’re crazy, I know.  but no babies, so fur babies are a good replacement.)  this guy is older – ten – and needs a home.  we’ll see what doggy #1 has to say about this.  she’s got the floor on this one!

back to the clinical trial…

other than my regular nasty red welts that take 48+ hours to go away.  nothing is different.  well, the only thing that’s new is some joint pain day following injection.  related?  don’t know, but keeping tracking track of everything in my Teva diary.

that’s the latest scoop from my neck of the MS world.  pretty darn grateful.

what’s new with you?  do tell.  😉

xo

seven lives.

I laid my kitty, Chloe, to rest this week.

ooooph.

how it hurt.  how I cried.  and petted her lifeless body.

the vet hugged me when it was over.  how did she know that was exactly what I needed?

just moments before, Chloe had turned to me, and rolled over on her back for me to rub her.  just as she had done when she was eight weeks old.  back in 1995.

she knew then that she found a lover for life.

and, at the end, she also knew it was her time.

what an honor to do this for her.  it was so peaceful.

she was suffering.  blind.  deaf.  unable to jump like she used to.

and senile.

didn’t know where the box was.  or what that white wall wanted to do with her.  she would howl at it endlessly.

until I would pick her up.  and she would try to mew, with no sound.

I would plead her to tell me what she was seeing.  no such luck.

I made this decision for her, which was stricken with guilt.  sadness.  and freedom.

whaaaat?

the trifecta creeps in daily.

but, I have reconciled that this was right.  and that she is up in heaven with her sista, Delilah, and brotha, Jr.  though she never liked Jr.  ;-(

my sweet Chloe girl was my first kitty choice.  and she went out my last kitty.

four days in, I still look for her.  and expect her to be balled up next to me on the couch.

there’s a tale here.

interspersed with six other cats.  but not tonight.

she was my first, and my last kitty.  who lived through three (at least!) falls from our loft.  the last one, six inches from me, as I was standing below.  she was a stubborn delicate trooper.  a grey cloud of fur.  my grey spirit.

may she rest in peace.  sweet Chloe girl.

xoxo

so much to say.

what a fab week off work my hub and I enjoyed!

palm springs! so blessed.

love this photo btw…the hub was in our Elvis room when I snapped from a different point of view… 😉 lots more on POV later on. DSC_0232

giraffes!

a ride to 8500 feet! ooooph! the hub hated that! I loved it…until we arrived @ 8500 feet!

good eats! too much!

lots of writing. and reading. time to rest. and play. and rest again. time to laugh.

speaking of laughing. had a fantastic time with two of my life coach peeps yesterday. can you say four-hour lunch?! these two women are so my people!! kisses!

inspiration released! (inspiration was my word for 2011. and again in 2012.)

been toying with my word(s) for 2013. so far I have scripted…balance…create…and fulfill. all three are super juicy! is it written somewhere that I can only have one word? 😉

…more on that later!

I can’t look at anymore photos on FB from Friday’s events…so I leave you with a few peaceful photos of pure grace….not perfection…photographically speaking…but then…what is ever perfect? DSC_0196

DSC_0186DSC_0193have a great week y’all!! more from Jillian and Anya coming soon.

xox

31/50: thanks-giving.

btw, fun night for the annual TNBT!

while walking out from work last night, I ran into two work peeps.  we all quickly turned our attention to the pink wispy clouds against a purple and deepening blue sky.

one said, how can we not feel grateful?

I replied, no kidding, and this, sweeping my arm 180 degrees, is free!

so grateful for all that is.

the hub.  friends.  family.  colleagues.  work peeps.  clients.  teachers.  writing.  rest.  play.  connection.  giving.  creating.  learning.   inspiration.  love.  that I get to write for free!

could there be anything more perfect than today?  I can’t think of one.

this morning, the hub and I strolled the doggy across the street @ bartlett park…where the local coyote pack lives.

fingers crossed we would see a coyote, as we crossed Adams Ave.

we had not ventured over to the park in a couple years.

wow!

how cool is it that there is a wild park across the street from our condo complex?

right in the middle of HB.  how could we forget this?

perfect.  wild.

there were birds every where.  and a new pond.  a blue heron.  a white heron.  ducks of all variety.  hummingbirds a-plenty!

we could not stop looking left as we walked the trail that ran the perimeter of the park.  expensive homes to our right.  beautiful nature to our left.

I said to my hub, why didn’t you tell me we were coming here, I would have brought my camera!  do you have your camera?

no, no.  that would have been too smart.  came his reply.  ha!

as we made our way outside of the park what did we see, but a coyote standing up above the park on the ridge-line.  yes!

he was watching for something.  and his ears torqued to attention when an SUV drove by.  he tracked the white beast.  and then relaxed when it was at a safe distance.

why was he tracking the vehicle? we wondered.

it wasn’t long until we saw a second coyote trotting down Seabridge lane.  continuing on into the park.  our gaze returned to the ridge-line coyote, who had already seen his mate.  we watched as he silently made his way down the hill to greet his friend.

they were making a track straight for the other.  too bad we couldn’t seem them greet each other in the brush!

so cool!!  how blessed are we?  so grateful that we live in an amazing part of this planet!!

happy Thanksgiving, people!!  I hope you have a plenty-full day!!

for what do you have to be grateful?

xox

6/50: how many titles have election or voting?

okay, I can’t quite put my finger on it.

but this daily blog challenge is changing me.

or maybe it’s because Mercury is in retrograde.  turns out.  I hope nothing goes wrong with the counting tonight.  ha!

but I have been much more sleepy than usual since I embarked.  (fyi…I don’t sleep well.)

so this will be a short one…

today, I voted.

I was a rep’ing the undecided category today.

read an article on CNN about a woman who abandoned corp america to open up her own business.  huh.  she was undecided.  but decided to leave and become a Reiki practitioner.  cool.

the expression – the better of two evils – really, doesn’t seem to fit when we’re talking about a leader in the free world? what’s up with the evil?

though, this morning, I decided that I would regret it if I didn’t vote.  and sat on that thought all morning.

so when jetting home to take the pup out for her lunch time wee, I looked up as soon as I got on the freeway…and above me on a light-post…was an eagle.  really??  I kid you not.  could not have been any more clear.

so I voted!  and how empowering did that feel??

it was so cool actually.  the voting station was at a local elementary school.  a line of kiddies rolled by me.  a couple of them stopped to sneak a peek in the voting room.  they were oohing and ahhing.  one of the cutest things I have seen in a long time!!

I hope you voted too.  😉

now off to meditate.  and do some mbg work!!  hopefully.  😉

xo

whispering…

this morning, the hub and I rode a new bike trail – back bay in Newport/Irvine…stunning!

first of all, I can’t believe that I never rode my bike on this path when I was @ UCI for four years! what is wrong with me?

things about myself, still astound me. ha!

second of all, horses can be easily unnerved. sidebar>>random switch, I know. 😉

horses are prey animals after-all.

and have mastered the flight or freak-out response.

saw this first-hand today 100 yards after we started pedaling (delayed a bit as both my hub and I were mesmerized watching airplanes take off – overhead! – from John Wayne airport. [easily, the most un-nerving airport on the planet. uh huh. steep, steep ascent. cut the engines @ 800 feet to keep things quiet for the money in Newport. freaky. we had never seen flights take off from this angle – it was so cool!])…

back to the horse.

gorgeous, black mare. directed by a make-shift cowboy. who was clearly frustrated while trying to egg her back onto the bike path from a sandy back-bay dune. it was a steep ascent too. the horse just would not go forward. and she kept bailing out as soon as she came close to making it. (kinda like me on a bike.) at one point, I thought she might chuck the dude off her back. that probably would have relieved some of her stress 😉 no offense to the cowboy, his horse was just not having a good day.

as soon as I saw the horse, tangling with its rider, I hopped off my bike and stopped at the side of the bike-path. putting my head down – careful not to look at her.

turns out horses don’t like bikes. at all. and here we were on a bike path loaded with peeps training for the MS Ride or whatever other rides are on the calendar. the sound of a bike is similar to a rattle snake. (we took some kids mountain-biking yesterday, and had everyone jump off their bikes when we ran into some horses on the fire-road.)

can you imagine? if you were a horse, and you believed there are rattle-snakes EVERYwhere you are being directed to go? there is no choice. sheer terror! I would be on edge too.

I was in just as much shock as the horse when a peloton whizzed by right in front of the horse shortly after she bailed out from her last attempt. I could feel her fear (maybe some of my own mixed in there…but I stayed put, as I didn’t want to move forward right when she decided to move forward.).

planted, I watched out of the corner of my eye as the cowboy finally encouraged the horse to climb up onto the bike path…she complied, but not willingly…and given the angle, her moving forward was directly in my path…

all I could do was keep breathing (or remember too breathe!), and pray that she would calm down…I let out a giant breath, that I hadn’t realized I had been holding in…she slowed as she approached me…and then I looked…

and she nodded right at me, as she gently moved beside me…within a foot…but then our moment was interrupted when two runners sprinted right between us (the horse and me!). I was sure that I was going to be the recipient of a hoof to the back…so I breathed again…and she carried on.

amazing.

xo

bloomin’ peacock.

my girlfriend and I walked through Irvine Regional Park this morning while my hub and his buds biked off-road.

I love this park! it is a piece of the wild in the OC.

for starters, there are a bunch of stabled horses. tails flicking the heat (and flies) away.

okay, okay, not so wild. but very impressive. and in typical OC fashion, they turned noses away at the stale straw I offered.

(note to selves, as discussed…next time we do this, we are bringing treats!)

brave bunnies. darting across the bike trails.

and then wild peacocks and peahens. strutting their stuff.

everywhere! in their full royal costume.

I knew this going in as I have been to the park quite a few times. when I used to ride. before what happened last year. you know, after I fell off my bike. ha!

I have always loved the peacocks – come on – really? the boys get all the majesty?

turns out it is the peahens who have all the power. 😉

before we embarked upon our walk, I set the intention to find a peacock feather. seriously.

and see a peacock bloom. yep, that too.

after spending some quality time with the horses, we round a corner and come across a peacock, up close. gorgeous. stunning. glistening.

of course, I put my camera away by the time we came across this guy. foiled!

I greedily eyed his cascading three-foot long feathers. drop one, will ya? and show ’em off first? I mentally pleaded.

and then quickly realized how grabby I was for something that I could not control. so I turned away, and shook it off. mentally.

and then my eyes land on a coppery feather about a foot long. I walk over for closer inspection.

do you think this came from him? I ask my girlfriend.

I don’t know. maybe.

I pick it up. quill quality. and returned to the peacock.

I notice an identical flock of feathers on his side. that don’t match his blue vibe. I hold the feather up in front of me to gauge if this came from him.

color match. exactly.

yep, this is a peacock feather. yeah!

we continue on our walk, and notice two more peacocks in front of us. one of them heads straight for us, and looks like queen victoria, with his train following him as he waddles.

but we then quickly direct our attention to a third peacock nosing a nearby stable.

in full bloom!

one of the the coolest things I have ever seen – never seen the peacock fan before.

this birdie could not be more proud of his accomplishment. vigorously fluttering his copper and indigo tail feathers underneath his self-erected (ha!) canopy.

but.

the nearby peahen just ignored him, after he turned around and around for her as if he was on a rotating pedestal in a Bloomingdales window on 5th Ave.

darn. still no camera. but all we could do is watch this bird for ten minutes in total oneness with what was going on.

and then he slowly deflated his bloom after realizing that the hen was no where to be found. poor guy. better luck next time.

so cool!

today was a good lesson in NOT being attached to an outcome. (I have been testing this theory quite a bit lately.)

it worked beautifully, literally. as soon as I let it go. what I wanted. happened. not so much for the peacock though!

what has happened for you, once you have let go of something? I would love to hear!!

PS. note to self, I have tried this ‘letting go’ before checking a lottery ticket. but the thought, this will be THE winner! always seems to edge in there right before I check the winning numbers! so we never win. ha!

xo

letting go…

love, love…

wow, another week has passed.

and it’s Friday again!  yahoo!

five and 1/2 weeks since I’ve been back at work.

and it keeps getting better!  I love being back.  still shocks me-ha!

it’s exhausting, yes, but I’m feeling incredible!!  still reeling from my appointment last week!  my body is catching up too.  🙂

sooo…yesterday morning a hummingbird showed up while I was walking in to work.

this little guy popped out of the bushes directly to my right as I was walking by!  it was so cool!  I almost squealed with delight!  but quickly remembered that I should maintain my corporate composure.  especially since I was talking and walking with a co-worker when this occurred – ha!

but the hummingbird knew I saw him.

so he hovered.  two feet away from me, at eye level.  and looked right at me.

it felt like God was close enough to reach out and touch me!

and then he ducked back in the bushes before my co-walker noticed something out of the ordinary.

another thing that’s been out the ordinary or not>>>I have been reading a new author, Jeannette Maw.

like crazy.  and listening to her over and over again as I drive to and from work.  inspiration 101!

I have discovered the beauty of pray rain journaling.  so cool.  and a great addition to my morning pages.  makes me smile just thinking about it!

it was Ms. Maw that helped me get through my mega blood draw last month after reading her blog on my iPhone.  (may have all ready shared this!)>>>I said out loud to my husband while we were waiting, “I can’t wait to have eighteen (unknown at that time it would be nineteen) vials of blood drawn!”  we couldn’t NOT laugh.  and it made all the difference.  🙂

here I digress…so June is shaping up to be a busy month all ready!

and it’s not even June!

we have my Dad coming in for four nights.  and then our super-smart-live-in-most-moments buddy from Chicago, who currently lives in Atlanta…for another long weekend!  (ahem, I’d like some female visitors, please!  🙂

plus, I’m going to finish the first draft of my novel by end of June!  that’s a lofty goal.  eeek!  I came up with a new idea on the way in to work today.  huh.  must go write.  now.

ooooh…but back to May.  the hub and I have a mini-break coming up.  can’t wait!  and the hub is kicking the boot to the curb next week.  yeah!  he was a rock-star doing two miles last weekend for Walk MS!  thank you to my friends for donating!!  official thank you cards on the agenda for this weekend!  it was fantastic!

what have you loved this week?  I would love to hear!

xo