dreaming.

As 2013 begins to close out, I dreamed of a burning overstuffed kitchen trashcan this morning. The flames licked the papers and trash, dangerously close to spilling onto our wood floors.  I desperately looked around for water to put out the smoke-less fire, but could not find any thing to douse the flames.  In frustration and fear, I attempted to close the plastic trash bag around the flames, but ended up irritating the fire further…

I then woke up poking my husband in the arm to please tell me that he put out the fire in the kitchen? Only answer I received was a string of chuckles.  Apparently, I have been sleep talking this week.

(Time away from work-work does that to me.)

This wasn’t my first burning dream, but it’s been at least a decade since the last one.  Long time ago I had repeat dreams that an errant cigarette smoldered under the sheets in my bed…

During a time when I was experiencing massive change in my life on many levels.

I am, of course, curious to find out what this means to/for me now, a decade later, when life has been relatively stable. (Er., outside of MS joining the party along with too many family losses.)  Or is this simply the result of leaning into Stephen King’s masterpiece, On Writing?

But, I have a hunch there is change yet again on the near horizon…Year of the Horse will soon be upon us and my first book (draft) complete by end Q1.  Oooh, I just got goosebumps typing that.  Can’t help it.  Do I dare share my draft title?!  Uh.  Not yet.  😉 Let’s just say it’s chick-lit, laced with some self-help woo-woo and maybe a unicorn or two.  Er, writing a book within a book is d*mn hard!

Huh.  Change.

Book?  Changes with work?  Back to school? A Master’s degree?!  New friends?  Turning 40. (No ? required for that last one.)   Travel?  New home?  All appear to be waiting up ahead, but oddly…things feel closer than they have in the past.  Whooo hoo!  Bring it!

What fires you up ahead in 2014?!  Do share!!

Wishing you the most happy, healthy, and abundant year ahead!  I am so grateful that you take the time from your day to read my nonsensical keystrokes!  I still giggle any time someone finds my blog when searching for INFJ Death Stare…which happens almost every other day…

Have a safe New Year’s out there people!!

xox

20,003 words.

skipped Thursday (mostly), Friday (completely), Saturday (sparse, at best).

but today, I conquered a protagonist becoming bored with me.  her work week is over (she dreads weekends).

and of course, overcoming the 20K words.

goal for the week.

GRRR.  another 10K awaits.

along with work stress. and a desire to hang out with friends, both of the human variety.  and furry.

but, I will keep writing.  the words flowed easily once I realized I was not wearing my new writing corduroy jeans.   they are clean now, no worries.

tomorrow, begins my book within a book.  feeling a little intimidated by this, but, whatever.

have a good week, and write on!

xo

 

 

10,000 words.

quick update.

I am hooked.  period.  hook.  line. and whatever.  I love, love to write.

especially sh*tty first drafts.  with reckless freedom.

even my hub commented that I look healthier. and happier.  since I have been writing.  uh.  since Friday.

I have spilled out over 10,000 words over the last three days.  the majority this weekend.

at this rate, I’m scheduled to finish NaNoWriMo by 11/15.

er. not sure that will happen, but we will see.  work has to take priority M-F 6:30-6:30.  so we will see.

all, I can say is that it took me THREE years to write 12K words for my Anya and Jillian.

go figure.  all I needed was a plan.  and a deadline.

guess I am a project manager at heart.

in the zone.

keep on rocking what you do, people!

xox

one sleep…

sooo…getting super nervy tonight…2 hours and 41 mins until it’s write-off time!

er. what?

wait a second. NaNoWriMo time.

entry scene already viewed in my mind.  so clear, it’s like I’m there.

book launch party. my protagonist is bored. and frustrated.  so she begins drinking to take her mind off what is really weighing her down…

cliche.  but, that’s cool.

what will show up from there??  I can’t wait to find out…but I have a few ideas!

talked to a work peep today who writes…we love how things just show up…that is just so dang cool.

I just gotta show up for that to happen.

T -2 hours.

xo

Dartboard.

Have you ever grabbed a bunch of darts and thrown them at a dartboard…all at the same time?

How’d you do?

Lemme guess…

They all went flying haphazardly no where even close to the sweet spot…the bulls-eye.

Maybe not even close to the larger real estate of the dartboard…or perhaps they didn’t find a place to land at all; they just tumbled pathetically to the floor.

That’s how I have been feeling over the last couple of years. I wanted to grab at anything and everything I could in order to get just one dart to stick.

Too many darts being thrown all at once. Not enough focus on one to get that one to stick.

Took me this long to figure that out.

Work. Writing. Mish-mosh blogging. Coaching. Career counseling. Project Management. EFT. Small business development. Fundraising. Class after class.

And while everything listed above ignites a passion in me…I’m spread too thin across all of them to get even one to stick.

Huh. So while being sucked into Breaking Bad over the last two weeks and cuddling with our new orange three-legged tabby (our puppers could not be happier!), I have done some serious nothing.

And as a result I have found my focus narrowing…

I still have my JOB. Might as well do that well. Okay.

So what do I really want to do well outside of that?

One word surfaced easily.

WRITE.

Next month marks NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month. 50K words in 30 days.

I’m just gonna grab that dart and fire.

Catch y’all after I resurface on December 1. Or maybe somewhere along the way when I have lost my mind.

I can’t wait to begin writing…I already have my story mapped out on my iPhone notepad and in my head. This one is brand new…and I didn’t know it was in there waiting for me to give it life. I had been so focused on Jillie and Annie that I have been ignoring the other characters that want to be heard. Turns out there’s a whole bunch of ’em. Can’t wait to give them a voice.

xo

fiction #8? the bookstore. Jillie finds the first book that might help.

“Ann Boroch?”  I repeated as I stared numbly at the title of the book in my hands, Healing Multiple Sclerosis.

“Do you think it’s a hard ‘k‘ sound?  Or a swoosh type finish? OR is it like chai tea?”  I asked Anya, annoyed at everyone who has ever had a hard last name to pronounce.

“What does it matter?”  Annie asked.

“It matters to me,” I said with an edge to my voice.  “Why can’t anything be simple with this beast?”

I turned the blue soft-hard-back over, looking for a hint of some sort of solution without having to read the 300+ pages.

“Here, you read it first, you’re a fast reader,”  I said shoving the copy into Annie’s hands.

“Do you want me too?  Why don’t we read it together?  We can hold a mini-book club meeting once we’re finished.  Or even check in as we read.  Come on girl.  You gotta read this stuff.  I’ll do it with you,” she said softly.

“Fine.  I just hope I don’t have to jump on the green juice wagon or whatever it is that’s popular with you kids these days – if I do it, you’re doing it too.” I said stiffly grabbing a second copy.

xo

good-bye 38.

wow.  38 sure was a full plate.

really did I just rhyme that?  let me contemplate…ummm.  no.

so to continue with my plate theme…last year was full of lots of plates stacked on top of each other.  some fell, sadly.

but lots didn’t…and looked like…

learning.

inspiration.

growth.

loving.  more.

sharing.

giving.

creating.

followed by some writing.  😉

cheering.

and more loving.  oh wait.  already said that.

so that’s what 38 was all about…thank you for all that you gave me.

whaaat’s up 39?!

I’ll see you tomorrow.  can’t wait to experience what you have in store for me!  if you’re listening, I’ll have some more of the fun, colorful, great-full, and feel-good plates, please.  mega-learning and expansion.  a completed first draft, for sure.  solid health.  yeah!  movement at work.  a new biz website.  and maybe throw in a celebrity run-in.  that would be cool.  you know, not even a well-known celebrity will do.  I’ll take ’em!  and don’t forget the LOVE.  always gotta have that!

xox

unblocking.

in turtle steps.

one of my friends threw out a first sentence prompt on Friday.  in Facebook land.

“take the first sentence of the post below mine, and write a paragraph,” she instructed.

hell yes, was I going to play!  scratching out a few sentences, freehand.  I couldn’t wait to get to my laptop and post.

and now we have a FB group formed – the FSP Writer’s Guild.  😉

do we have the group public or secret?  now under discussion.

considering that I dropped the f-bomb in my second post, I’m not sure I want the whole world to know what a potty mouth I have.

but it’s who I am, so why not?  🙂

Thinking about my mother-in-law. Again,” she said.
“What’s bugging you now?” her friend asked. 
She cringed as she replayed the stinging words in her mind. “She said that ‘you’ll never be good enough for my son.’ It’s a beauty.”
“Ouch, why do you put up with that? Did he defend you at least?” her friend asked.
“No, of course not – he thinks it’s funny,” she sighed, grabbing her half-finished martini, throwing it down letting the icy vodka warm her throat.
“Honey, you need to leave that infant of a man and the mother he rode in on. Please do it for me, at least. If not yourself.”

no editing.  no nothing.  just let a paragraph flow from that first sentence.

love it.

xoxo

on writing.

I dreamed of writing the outline for my chick-lit novel this morning.

was at a work lunch.  seated to my left was one of my former colleagues, whom I still see every now and then.

(btw, she shows up in my dreamscape whenever I am on a right path.)

bored by the conversation at the table.  I grab a blank piece of paper (from somewhere!) and begin writing single word draft titles for each of my eleven(?!) chapters.

now, I can’t recall all that I wrote – but one thing stands out: I could read the scribbles.  reading letters + dreaming usually don’t go together.

here’s what I do remember:

sensation.

creation.

failing.

job.

doctor.

advent.

rejection.

huh?

time to get writing.

pretty sure this dream inspiration manifested after dinner last night when my hub and I were discussing the Triangle of Writing that I had read about earlier this week.

given what a visual and project focused person I am, the Triangle of Writing Metrics, by Rachel Aaron snapped my attention.

and made it very clear why I have not written for weeks now.

I get it.

I need an outline.

I have been writing about Jillie and Anya willy-nilly.  free.  all over the place.  whatever pops to mind.  while enjoying it thoroughly.

I’m now stuck.  (funny, I just wrote ‘not’ instead of now…)

I don’t know where I’m going.  or what they are doing.  I have a mental picture.  but need something right in front of me to get rolling again.

you can read Rachel’s blog here…

how I went from writing 2000 words a day to 10000 words a day!

so there you have it:  I intend to put together an Anya and Jillian map this month.  bazingo! 😉

hope you all have a great weekend!  we have a weekend of cleaning and clearing out Xmas.  plus, I’m eagerly awaiting the results of my Myers-Briggs Step II assessment.  more training and self-discovery coming up!  🙂

xox

here’s some music to push you into a good mood…  🙂

 

Jillie. more fiction.

“I‘m broken,” she cried.

“You’re not broken, you’re amazing.  And I don’t know how anyone could do what you’re doing.  I wouldn’t be able to do it.”  I replied with a pain in my heart.

“My mom, tried to commit suicide,” she hiccupped.  “After I was born,” she released into another wave of tears.

“What are you talking about?” I asked now afraid where this was going.

“She hated me.  She hates me,” she concluded.

I reach down for the five year-old Jillie in front of me, and hug her tight.

~

fiction #?   was inspired listening to Cold Play while my doggy ignored me.  this comes after the trip to the Western Rock Medical Center.  there is more in between.