Done with 2014.

Almost a year since I blogged.  WTH?

Quick self-indulgent catch up from 2014:

1.  Bring on February – new job.  The best move I’ve made of recent career life.  I had no idea how much stress I put my soul and my body through over the last five years…until I stopped doing that old job.  Cool.  How much I learned about being a manager once I was no longer a manager.  Every manager should give that a go.

2.  Bring on 40 – April.  That whole month was rotten.  And not because of the number.  I have never felt so young (and not in a good way) as I did when I turned 40.  That was my lowest point of the year.  BUT, I still had a rockin’ brilliant party.

3.  Bring on some minor flares that speckled the entire year.  Grrrr.  The beast that lives within likes to remind me that she’s there.  From fatigue to pain to increasing eye problems….she lurks in the shadows waiting to rumble with me.  But nothing too serious.  Thank God!  On this topic, I also added acupuncture to my regimen.  LOVE it!  Saturdays  – after boot camp… 😉  Oh, and I switched treatments officially to three shots/week.  Grrr, but way better than seven.

4.  Bring on BOOT CAMP.  Best thing I’ve done for myself over the last nine years – I began working my body a month after turning 40.  Whoooweee – so much fun.  So hard.  I love it.  This was one of the few times that I didn’t over-think joining HB Fit Body Boot Camp, and then followed the trainer to Ultrafit Boot Camp.  Talk about a life reset.  My body loves it.  My soul loves it.  My energy levels have improved, my muscle spasms – so much better, and my overall well-being = almost brilliant.  I have muscles now!  I think all my friends are beginning to roll their eyes, when I start out with…”At boot camp…” >> every conversation includes a boot camp mention…I love it that much.

5.  Bring on the first BIG road trip of my life.  From Huntington Beach to Portland.  Trips to Vegas don’t count….Though, I wouldn’t mind one of those.  2100 miles in 8 days.  Brilliant.

6.  25 miles on the bike.  Bring it.  Been there and did that in October.  For MS.  YES!  Also a top Bike MS fundraiser – second year running.  Can’t wait to do the ride again this year.

7.  Bring on writing.  Another 50K words slapped down on the page, and I’m 9K words away from completing my first official rough rough draft of 110K words.  Note to self:  DO that.

8.  Holidays at home with our kids.  Mwah.  Though this year, I know I’ll be itching to get away…sorry fur babies!

9.  Wine club with the girls.  ‘Nuff said.

Hello 2015.  The hub and I will celebrate 10 years of married bliss in July.  Ha!  What’s up for you in 2015?

xo

PS.  Hardly any proof-reading on this one…so forgive me.

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> 50K words.

done and done.

in 29 days.  wowzer!  all in accordance with NaNoWriMo guidelines.  50K words in the month of November.  fiction.  new.

how much fun November was!  I cannot remember a better, more fun, fulfilling span of time!

how good, strong, and healthy did I feel.

now I can finally say that I have written 50,000 words of fiction.

currently, words are escaping me.  as the hub said tonight, I can take a break.

but I’m not done yet! was my reply.  as I scratched out chapters 7-13 titles last night.

so I will continue.

I have not felt more alive than did over the last month.  so why not?

will the real unicorn please stand up?

xo

ps.  last MRI results = beautiful.

10,000 words.

quick update.

I am hooked.  period.  hook.  line. and whatever.  I love, love to write.

especially sh*tty first drafts.  with reckless freedom.

even my hub commented that I look healthier. and happier.  since I have been writing.  uh.  since Friday.

I have spilled out over 10,000 words over the last three days.  the majority this weekend.

at this rate, I’m scheduled to finish NaNoWriMo by 11/15.

er. not sure that will happen, but we will see.  work has to take priority M-F 6:30-6:30.  so we will see.

all, I can say is that it took me THREE years to write 12K words for my Anya and Jillian.

go figure.  all I needed was a plan.  and a deadline.

guess I am a project manager at heart.

in the zone.

keep on rocking what you do, people!

xox

two years.

wow.

the fact that today marks the day I was diagnosed with MS didn’t hit me until I was prepping myself to do my 3x/week Copaxone shot tonight.

(Tuesday night’s was a beast.  I still have an extremely tender two-inch red lump on my right thigh.)

tonight’s was easy breezy…fyi.  thank you God!

so yup, my two-year anniversary didn’t hit me until tonight.  I must have been distracted by all that is – including today being Talk Like a Pirate Day.  after this realization struck me, all I could mutter out loud to the dog was shit…and then laugh at myself.  no wonder the hub was being extra lovey this morning and appreciative of my appearance as I bounced out the door in my new white swan blouse and red suede heels.  love that blouse.  he even texted me after he got to work:  how you do today baby?  that didn’t even jog my memory.  he remembered though.  what an amazing man!

wow.

I officially forgot about it…

two years to make that happen.

xo

month one. is done.

saw the clinical researcher yesterday.

showed him the photo of the massive reaction my bod had on Tuesday night.  still there.  but getting better with some numbness on top.

five-inch hot red raised welt.  with tiny raised bumps sprinkled across my skin like tiny stars.

ouch.  that one hurt!

what am I putting in my body?

my thoughts spiraled as I eyed the dangling welts from the last two weeks.

what am I doing to my body??

lots to consider.  pros/cons.  ifs.  buts.  whats??

bit too much for this girl.  but at the moment, I’m appreciating the fewer shots.  giving the dailies up for the day after joint pain.  and massive red welts.  huh.

we’ll see what and how I feel the next time I put on a bikini.

and watch my brain flash by in black ‘n white images after my next MRI.

and work my body out.

MS is kinda sucky.

but certainly the awakening I am awaiting.

week one. done.

week one on Copaxone 40mg/3x/week is DONE.

and all I can say is, I’m completely…no, utterly sold on the new freedom 3x a week is bringing.  and I just feel better all the way around.

so much freedom, the hub and I are considering doggy #2.  (we’re crazy, I know.  but no babies, so fur babies are a good replacement.)  this guy is older – ten – and needs a home.  we’ll see what doggy #1 has to say about this.  she’s got the floor on this one!

back to the clinical trial…

other than my regular nasty red welts that take 48+ hours to go away.  nothing is different.  well, the only thing that’s new is some joint pain day following injection.  related?  don’t know, but keeping tracking track of everything in my Teva diary.

that’s the latest scoop from my neck of the MS world.  pretty darn grateful.

what’s new with you?  do tell.  😉

xo

fiction #8? the bookstore. Jillie finds the first book that might help.

“Ann Boroch?”  I repeated as I stared numbly at the title of the book in my hands, Healing Multiple Sclerosis.

“Do you think it’s a hard ‘k‘ sound?  Or a swoosh type finish? OR is it like chai tea?”  I asked Anya, annoyed at everyone who has ever had a hard last name to pronounce.

“What does it matter?”  Annie asked.

“It matters to me,” I said with an edge to my voice.  “Why can’t anything be simple with this beast?”

I turned the blue soft-hard-back over, looking for a hint of some sort of solution without having to read the 300+ pages.

“Here, you read it first, you’re a fast reader,”  I said shoving the copy into Annie’s hands.

“Do you want me too?  Why don’t we read it together?  We can hold a mini-book club meeting once we’re finished.  Or even check in as we read.  Come on girl.  You gotta read this stuff.  I’ll do it with you,” she said softly.

“Fine.  I just hope I don’t have to jump on the green juice wagon or whatever it is that’s popular with you kids these days – if I do it, you’re doing it too.” I said stiffly grabbing a second copy.

xo

chance encounter.

exhausted.  after one night in Vegas.

I am getting old!

but have never had such a fab birthday!

last night in Vegas, I met a girl at our three card poker table.  I knew as soon as she sat down that her energy was good.  I liked her instantly.

she started talking to the dealer, who wanted to know where she and her hub were from etc.

chicago.

of course, that piqued my hub’s interest.

turned out she played water polo at my hub’s high school.  after it had been converted to co-ed.  this is not the first time we have run into former Fenwick peeps.  randomly!  i.e., when a gaggle of teen guys from Chicago were in FL wanting to play with my sistas…all attended Fenwick.  and jumped to attention once they heard my hub did.

anyhow, I digress.

this girl shared with our dealer that she wanted a break after dealing with a horrible diagnosis two+ years ago.

I couldn’t NOT ask her.

she had leukemia.  and kicked it out of her universe!  awesome.  we clinked our glasses.  she rocked.

I shared what I have.

and she said, oh, that’s way worse than leukemia.

whaaaat??  no way!!   I said.   not my version of MS.  no way, no how.

she said, trust me.

huh.

I still refute her statement.  though the hub and I discussed further tonight:  she knew what the treatment options were.  she had an end point to her treatment and kicked cancer in its balls.

got it.  just like I am kicking MS.  same story.  different circumstance.  no kids.  for the aforementioned reasons.  we got each other.  so, so cool!

my only regret, I did not get her number.  but we winked, mentally hugged, and high five’d as the hub and I left the table.  the best part…she didn’t believe I am 39.  ha!

xox

 

good-bye 38.

wow.  38 sure was a full plate.

really did I just rhyme that?  let me contemplate…ummm.  no.

so to continue with my plate theme…last year was full of lots of plates stacked on top of each other.  some fell, sadly.

but lots didn’t…and looked like…

learning.

inspiration.

growth.

loving.  more.

sharing.

giving.

creating.

followed by some writing.  😉

cheering.

and more loving.  oh wait.  already said that.

so that’s what 38 was all about…thank you for all that you gave me.

whaaat’s up 39?!

I’ll see you tomorrow.  can’t wait to experience what you have in store for me!  if you’re listening, I’ll have some more of the fun, colorful, great-full, and feel-good plates, please.  mega-learning and expansion.  a completed first draft, for sure.  solid health.  yeah!  movement at work.  a new biz website.  and maybe throw in a celebrity run-in.  that would be cool.  you know, not even a well-known celebrity will do.  I’ll take ’em!  and don’t forget the LOVE.  always gotta have that!

xox

what is gone lives on.

the above thought hit me earlier today, while re-reading a poem that one of my friends had posted on FB when I shared my breaking heart.

the poem has been rolling around in my thoughts since it was posted.

at first, I wanted to throw it away.

but it didn’t want to be thrown away.

the words kept showing up.  and then they made sense.  Sunday night.  the words made sense.

my beloved Grandma has taken a turn for the worse.  the words have been touching and poking various parts of my thoughts.  mind.  emotions.

soul.

When I Die, by Merrit Malloy.  I have copied it below…

When I die
Give what’s left of me away
To children
And old(er generations) that wait to die.

And if you need to cry,
Cry for your brother
Walking the street beside you.
And when you need me,
Put your arms
Around anyone
And give them
What you need to give to me.

I want to leave you something,
Something better
Than words
Or sounds.

Look for me
In the people I’ve known
Or loved,
And if you cannot give me away,
At least let me live on in your eyes
And not on your mind.

You can love me most
By letting
Hands touch hands,
By letting
Bodies touch bodies,
And by letting go
Of children
That need to be free.

Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,

Give me away.

~

so beautiful.  I see it.

and if I can muster the courage, I will read this for my Grandma.  one day.

what is gone lives on.

and with that, we have control of what we want to keep.  and what we let go.  and that’s okay.

Saturday was the hardest day.  so far.

I will forget the morning.  but keep the evening.  my choice.

xoxox