Done with 2014.

Almost a year since I blogged.  WTH?

Quick self-indulgent catch up from 2014:

1.  Bring on February – new job.  The best move I’ve made of recent career life.  I had no idea how much stress I put my soul and my body through over the last five years…until I stopped doing that old job.  Cool.  How much I learned about being a manager once I was no longer a manager.  Every manager should give that a go.

2.  Bring on 40 – April.  That whole month was rotten.  And not because of the number.  I have never felt so young (and not in a good way) as I did when I turned 40.  That was my lowest point of the year.  BUT, I still had a rockin’ brilliant party.

3.  Bring on some minor flares that speckled the entire year.  Grrrr.  The beast that lives within likes to remind me that she’s there.  From fatigue to pain to increasing eye problems….she lurks in the shadows waiting to rumble with me.  But nothing too serious.  Thank God!  On this topic, I also added acupuncture to my regimen.  LOVE it!  Saturdays  – after boot camp… 😉  Oh, and I switched treatments officially to three shots/week.  Grrr, but way better than seven.

4.  Bring on BOOT CAMP.  Best thing I’ve done for myself over the last nine years – I began working my body a month after turning 40.  Whoooweee – so much fun.  So hard.  I love it.  This was one of the few times that I didn’t over-think joining HB Fit Body Boot Camp, and then followed the trainer to Ultrafit Boot Camp.  Talk about a life reset.  My body loves it.  My soul loves it.  My energy levels have improved, my muscle spasms – so much better, and my overall well-being = almost brilliant.  I have muscles now!  I think all my friends are beginning to roll their eyes, when I start out with…”At boot camp…” >> every conversation includes a boot camp mention…I love it that much.

5.  Bring on the first BIG road trip of my life.  From Huntington Beach to Portland.  Trips to Vegas don’t count….Though, I wouldn’t mind one of those.  2100 miles in 8 days.  Brilliant.

6.  25 miles on the bike.  Bring it.  Been there and did that in October.  For MS.  YES!  Also a top Bike MS fundraiser – second year running.  Can’t wait to do the ride again this year.

7.  Bring on writing.  Another 50K words slapped down on the page, and I’m 9K words away from completing my first official rough rough draft of 110K words.  Note to self:  DO that.

8.  Holidays at home with our kids.  Mwah.  Though this year, I know I’ll be itching to get away…sorry fur babies!

9.  Wine club with the girls.  ‘Nuff said.

Hello 2015.  The hub and I will celebrate 10 years of married bliss in July.  Ha!  What’s up for you in 2015?

xo

PS.  Hardly any proof-reading on this one…so forgive me.

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two years.

wow.

the fact that today marks the day I was diagnosed with MS didn’t hit me until I was prepping myself to do my 3x/week Copaxone shot tonight.

(Tuesday night’s was a beast.  I still have an extremely tender two-inch red lump on my right thigh.)

tonight’s was easy breezy…fyi.  thank you God!

so yup, my two-year anniversary didn’t hit me until tonight.  I must have been distracted by all that is – including today being Talk Like a Pirate Day.  after this realization struck me, all I could mutter out loud to the dog was shit…and then laugh at myself.  no wonder the hub was being extra lovey this morning and appreciative of my appearance as I bounced out the door in my new white swan blouse and red suede heels.  love that blouse.  he even texted me after he got to work:  how you do today baby?  that didn’t even jog my memory.  he remembered though.  what an amazing man!

wow.

I officially forgot about it…

two years to make that happen.

xo

month one. is done.

saw the clinical researcher yesterday.

showed him the photo of the massive reaction my bod had on Tuesday night.  still there.  but getting better with some numbness on top.

five-inch hot red raised welt.  with tiny raised bumps sprinkled across my skin like tiny stars.

ouch.  that one hurt!

what am I putting in my body?

my thoughts spiraled as I eyed the dangling welts from the last two weeks.

what am I doing to my body??

lots to consider.  pros/cons.  ifs.  buts.  whats??

bit too much for this girl.  but at the moment, I’m appreciating the fewer shots.  giving the dailies up for the day after joint pain.  and massive red welts.  huh.

we’ll see what and how I feel the next time I put on a bikini.

and watch my brain flash by in black ‘n white images after my next MRI.

and work my body out.

MS is kinda sucky.

but certainly the awakening I am awaiting.

week one. done.

week one on Copaxone 40mg/3x/week is DONE.

and all I can say is, I’m completely…no, utterly sold on the new freedom 3x a week is bringing.  and I just feel better all the way around.

so much freedom, the hub and I are considering doggy #2.  (we’re crazy, I know.  but no babies, so fur babies are a good replacement.)  this guy is older – ten – and needs a home.  we’ll see what doggy #1 has to say about this.  she’s got the floor on this one!

back to the clinical trial…

other than my regular nasty red welts that take 48+ hours to go away.  nothing is different.  well, the only thing that’s new is some joint pain day following injection.  related?  don’t know, but keeping tracking track of everything in my Teva diary.

that’s the latest scoop from my neck of the MS world.  pretty darn grateful.

what’s new with you?  do tell.  😉

xo

trial run.

so, it’s been confirmed:  I’m officially participating in a Teva clinical trial to play with the new three times a week therapy that is moving toward FDA approval in approximately one year.  the new 40mg syringes are being compared to the existing once a day 20mg therapy…so I could have been selected for what I’m already on…figured it was worth a try!

and finally yesterday, I found out I was randomized for the 40mg/3x/week!  super excited!  four days a week I do not have to experience the pain of an injection – yahoo!!

cool factor>>while I really wanted to give the 40mg a try, I knew I could not control the outcome….so I gave the decision up to the Universe…un-gripping my attachment to the outcome…and look what happened!  note to self:  do that often.

keep y’all posted on how it goes.  I kinda butchered my first shot yesterday @ the doc’s office, but the clinical researcher said it looked like I got most of it in…as I watched with terror as about half of the liquid spilled out on the table.  I blame the new AutoJect 2 pen I received.  sure.  no user error involved.  nope.  😉

I am setting the intention that this journey to be less exciting, less painful, and more freeing than my last adventures in learning how to self-administer injections.  🙂

xo

ps.  I have been posting a daily What Went Well (WWW) on FB these days a la Positive Psychology style.  wheeee! – it’s been so fun…and certainly helps keep my positive mojo flowing.  been thinking I should start a separate blog stream for my daily WWWs.  huh.  I’m copying them all into my daily Morning Pages.  maybe something I will focus on for the writing class I just began on Tuesday…(I always gotta have something to relieve the work stress.)

what provides you relief from the daily life, work, family, relationship stressors out in the world?  share below!  xo

disconnect.

just returned from four nights in Yosemite and Sequoia.

can I say, awesome-balls?

even with no cell service.  and no internet access.  zero WiFi.  and a smattering of TV channels from what felt like they were delivered straight out of the 80s.

though the second killer hike on Friday, fried my calves.  they are still sore.  and I’m limping around like I’ve got MS or something.  cray cray like that.

oh wait.  I do.  but so glad not limping from a flare.  phew!  🙂

4/5 of us were limping on Saturday. Sunday.  and still today.

so how cool was it to disconnect from...everything?  extreme.

the hub and I ventured on our own path Friday. and took the road less traveled by.  from the other three.  our cohort.

we wandered into a magical forest to begin our Friday hike.  I kept exclaiming to the hub, ‘look at that! look at that!’ snapping photos as I we descended.

until we emerged from our enchanted forest to switch back after switch back of tight, slippery turns.  no guard rails.

making our way slowly down the steepest trail in Yosemite.

we would run into other travelers ascending.  pleading with us to tell them how much farther.  sweating.  eager for us to say, ‘oh only a half hour!’ but we could not lie when we knew it was at least 1.5 hours for them.

and then hearing ‘rock on you guys will be finished in 45 minutes.  no wait, 30 minutes!’ from a few others, beginning their ascent.

umm.  not!

but so cool, how filled with one-ness everyone on the trail was.  I even slipped (wait, we both slipped over and over again).  and I cut my pinkie finger slamming it into the granite rocks to save my legs.  someone ascending immediately wanted to provide assistance.  I could get used to this.  so kind.

I am used to this.

wow.

what an awesome, disconnected weekend.  one I won’t forget.

from squirrels tormenting one of our friends to watching a coyote on the side of the road watch us to not seeing any bears when warned otherwise.  to mosquitoes glimmering in the sun like tiny golden angels.  to strongly feeling my cousin, D.  to feeling like we all matter.  and then, that we don’t.  all in a matter of milliseconds.

we are all in this party together.  at this exact moment in time.  and how grand is that?

it was perfect.  perfect.

love, loved every second of perfection.  just as it is.

or was.

xo

fiction #8? the bookstore. Jillie finds the first book that might help.

“Ann Boroch?”  I repeated as I stared numbly at the title of the book in my hands, Healing Multiple Sclerosis.

“Do you think it’s a hard ‘k‘ sound?  Or a swoosh type finish? OR is it like chai tea?”  I asked Anya, annoyed at everyone who has ever had a hard last name to pronounce.

“What does it matter?”  Annie asked.

“It matters to me,” I said with an edge to my voice.  “Why can’t anything be simple with this beast?”

I turned the blue soft-hard-back over, looking for a hint of some sort of solution without having to read the 300+ pages.

“Here, you read it first, you’re a fast reader,”  I said shoving the copy into Annie’s hands.

“Do you want me too?  Why don’t we read it together?  We can hold a mini-book club meeting once we’re finished.  Or even check in as we read.  Come on girl.  You gotta read this stuff.  I’ll do it with you,” she said softly.

“Fine.  I just hope I don’t have to jump on the green juice wagon or whatever it is that’s popular with you kids these days – if I do it, you’re doing it too.” I said stiffly grabbing a second copy.

xo

chance encounter.

exhausted.  after one night in Vegas.

I am getting old!

but have never had such a fab birthday!

last night in Vegas, I met a girl at our three card poker table.  I knew as soon as she sat down that her energy was good.  I liked her instantly.

she started talking to the dealer, who wanted to know where she and her hub were from etc.

chicago.

of course, that piqued my hub’s interest.

turned out she played water polo at my hub’s high school.  after it had been converted to co-ed.  this is not the first time we have run into former Fenwick peeps.  randomly!  i.e., when a gaggle of teen guys from Chicago were in FL wanting to play with my sistas…all attended Fenwick.  and jumped to attention once they heard my hub did.

anyhow, I digress.

this girl shared with our dealer that she wanted a break after dealing with a horrible diagnosis two+ years ago.

I couldn’t NOT ask her.

she had leukemia.  and kicked it out of her universe!  awesome.  we clinked our glasses.  she rocked.

I shared what I have.

and she said, oh, that’s way worse than leukemia.

whaaaat??  no way!!   I said.   not my version of MS.  no way, no how.

she said, trust me.

huh.

I still refute her statement.  though the hub and I discussed further tonight:  she knew what the treatment options were.  she had an end point to her treatment and kicked cancer in its balls.

got it.  just like I am kicking MS.  same story.  different circumstance.  no kids.  for the aforementioned reasons.  we got each other.  so, so cool!

my only regret, I did not get her number.  but we winked, mentally hugged, and high five’d as the hub and I left the table.  the best part…she didn’t believe I am 39.  ha!

xox

 

breakthroughs are a-coming. MS, watch out!!

this is not my 50th post, though I guess this is the 50th post this month…maybe it can take the place of the post that I wrote, but never posted?  😉

got so excited reading this, I just have to share…such cool news on the MS front!!

any of you MS peeps out there,  please, please read this article!!

quick intro…

The results suggest that the critical step happens when fibrinogen, a blood-clotting protein, leaks into the central nervous system and activates immune cells called microglia…

keep reading here…

new discovery!!

there will be a CURE in my life-time!  I believe it!!!

ps.  I use upstream and downstream differently than this author…but if this discovery can attack MS upstream, I’ll take it!

xo

48/50: what the watcher knows.

appreciate the input from my semi-self-flagellation last night! love right back at ya!!

real quick post tonight before I am off to play with a needle and read chap. 10 of the artist’s way. if you haven’t read the AW…read it!! esp. if you’re running into some blocks with a creative project.

speaking of needles (real quick, I promise)…a second syringe in the history of injecting myself succumbed last night. it sprayed all over the bathroom floor. instead of into my hip. brill. that was a $143 casualty.

so today I took on the role of the watcher while at my 7:20-5er..to compassionately watch myself whenever I had the urge to merge with some Hershey kisses and gf crackers.

found myself reaching for the crackers. when my blood sugar dropped. nothing new here. it’s the mid-morning, pre-lunch, all-afternoon snacking that really chaps me.

and then taking a look at all the other moments, I found myself reaching over and over again.

when I was bored.

wait a second.

huh.

maybe that’s it…

maybe boredom @ work is getting to me?!

eureka.

okay – that just hit me smack on the nose.

and it’s not that I’m sitting around doing nothing while at work.

the things I’m doing are boring.

because I have done them so many times. over and over again.

this is the longest I have been in the same job. it’s a good job, don’t get me wrong.

but I could do dream of doing so much more!

there hasn’t been a layoff for three years. so things have settled down somewhat after the last six.

there is a placiddull-ness that has descended upon the office.

hence my incessant eating…I eat to keep my brain functioning on some level…a base level, perhaps.

it’s the stuff I do before and after hours that really inspires me.

how can I infuse that inspiration into my working hours?

or maybe there is a larger question looming.

huh.

two more posts to go!! feeling exceptionally eager to post #50.

love to my hub, for putting up with me this month.

poor guy has been neglected. but he has been forewarned….2013 NaNoWriMo is on the list.

xoxo