the space between thoughts.

I didn’t realize I had been ignoring the space until today…and that made all the difference…

oooph!

after marching along on superdrive for the last three months, clobbering my brain.

three classes (MBTI Step II, Intuition, and now B-School).

new concepts.

ideas.

planning my first workshop.  yippee!

inspiration.

fear (yep…that decided to creep in and check things out. on and off.)

excitement.

until everything came to a screeching halt on Saturday night while out with friends.

during a lively debate with a good friend about a topic on which we were polar opposites…

I became weighted down by an intense heaviness.

I couldn’t shut it off.  and it didn’t want to go away.

so in an attempt to fend it off, I said something kinda rude to my friend.  that I didn’t mean.

(but that’s not true, if I didn’t mean it in that exact moment, I wouldn’t have said it.)

I was slammed with overwhelm in that moment when everyone around me jumped on me.

I paused.  breathed.  smiled.  apologized.

collected my thoughts that were already wavering, ready to topple…

(what the hell am I doing?! and why did I just say that?! how do I say this in a way they will all see my side of things?!)

so I reframed.

he said he had never looked at things that way, yet we still agreed to disagree.

but the weight would not leave.  and the thoughts dangerously close to toppling were still there.

I tried Sunday and Monday nights to figure out the source of the weight…

intensely missing my sisters after spending a week with them.  worried about my mother in the hospital.  tossing and turning Sunday night after waking up from a work nightmare.

I became short and snippy.  demanding.  with everyone.  hub.  work.  myself.

(fyi – this is my Type at its worst!)

so I poured through my new Myers-Briggs book Monday night.  and found some answers. (brilliant book, btw, Do What You Are.)

yep, I can blame this one on my personality type.  ha!  joke’s on me.

Tuesday, I felt like crap at work.

but the weight became a bit lighter Tuesday night after receiving a new project at work.

yet returned with a vengeance this morning…until I decided I had enough.

so I put on a Deepak Chopra mediation (not part of Oprah’s deal with him – fyi for you peeps not on the Oprah team… 😉 while I made up my sullen face (insert INFJ death stare 😉 getting ready for work…

…and that’s when I heard the words…find the space between the thoughts...

I repeated them out loud.  and goosebumps rippled down my legs…and I decided not to think about the meaning of what I had just heard…

and everything fell back into place, easily, freely, and peacefully.  the anger dissipated almost instantly.  insecurities gone.  fear vanished.

and I let it go…with that tiny space I had just let in.

stepping back – I can see what led to this…

family stuff.  good and bad.

packing my brain so full with things to do and learn, I had zero space to add some space.  even a millimeter would have been okay.

so the lesson…don’t pack things in too tight.

things will topple eventually…when they don’t have to…they just need some breathing room.

xox

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what a difference an hour makes.

I used to always despise moving the clock forward.

losing a whole hour from the precious, beautiful weekend hours. boof that!

but didn’t feel that way this weekend.

I actually lined through everything on the TO DO list.

let me frame the momentum of this: I have never, ever completed every thing that I have set out to do that is on my dreaded to do list.

so I’m calling this a small victory. so satisfying! (really am a J to the core, and that’s okay!)

the first of many victories, I say.

takes some turtle steps to get moving, doesn’t it!?

one thing I did differently for this to do list.

I grouped the items into categories:

Saturday.

– non-negotiables.

Un-fun work.

– bills, errands, taxes. boof! laundry…wait a second – laundry wasn’t even on my list – and I still did that. whaaaat?!

Fun work.

– B-School stuff. outline draft #1 for my upcoming workshop on Myers-Briggs Step II – In addition to being totally awesome, who am I, really? synced iTunes. and installed MS Office on my laptop (h*ll yes, that one is HUGE…see ya Pages! 😉

this B-School biz is going to change my life. it already is. again.

how many times can a girl’s life be changed?! first time when I was given a copy of The Secret in 2006. second time after I discovered Martha Beck….and it was all downstream from there…

it never ends does it?

I have, “life is not a destination, it’s a journey,” posted on the inside of my medicine cabinet. not sure who wrote it. but it’s a gem.

back to B-School, it hit me this weekend that I have a LONG A*S list of things that I’m interested in, once I started writing them all down. things that inspire me. give me goose bumps. get me into the flow. you know – flow – when time evaporates? don’t you love it when that happens!? (there has to be a way to make money in the flow. I am determined to figure that out. 😉

(most of this stuff I love has been vomited all over this blog mess that I have created – I get it! it’s a confusing mess of practical? advice? life coaching tidbits. dream work. bits and pieces of my messy soul. fiction fun. Myers-Briggs. photography. life. memoirs. health stuff – boof!)

time to wrap it all. or deconstruct it. some way. some how.

expect a massive clean up on this website over the summer-fall months. don’t know what it will look like, but it’s coming.

the hub is holding me to NOT sign up for any more coursework until I make time for my business. (shhhh… I know I’m going to secretly take another writing course – as that is a non-negotiable on my inspiration list. can anyone say Danielle LaPorte…?)

per Marie Forleo, everything is figure-outable. go figure. 😉

what’s on your list?!

think about it.

xo

ps. some day must share the crazy dream I had with Tyra Banks in it Friday night…where did she come from?! and there I was ooohing and awwwwing along with the rest of her followers. strange! (not really one by the way, but not judging…just sayin’!) and the hilarious scene when she showed a group of us what she does with a full paper towel roll. could not stop laughing when I shared her dream advice with my hub!

it is official.

…I am getting my official game on people!

moving to the next level of where I want to move in life…

yeeehhhawww!

feels expansive. and terrifying at the same time…

(that, my friends, is how one tells the difference between intuition and fear – if it ain’t expansive, it’s fear.)  😉

oooph!!

so here goes my plan…

step 1. sign up for Marie Forleo’s B-School. done!

step 2. send the intention for my end game out to the Universe. ummm, done!

step 3. start doing more of what I am being called to do: help people. write. and blog. speak.  life coach!  career coach!  create. inspire. volunteer at the art center. finish my dang book! travel.  just frickin’ do it, woman!  creative inspiration in the ravaged corporate-world.  ummm yeah..all kinda in progress.  though I had to ask my hub to stop me from signing up for any more classes after B-School.  so I can do more on this plan!

step 4. rebrand my website. and blog.  not yet!

step 5. do and fail at steps 3 and 4 over and over again.  until it sticks.  because that’s the only way it will.  bazinga!  zero here.

step 6. make an awesome Harlem Shake video.  also a big NULL!  for now.

that is all.

so…what is your calling, people!  I know you have one!  (that tiny voice that comes from within, helps provide the guidance.)

share below…puleeeeze!

because…you know you are awesome…and I would love to hear the magnitude of your awesome-sauce!!  go on, do it!

xox

INFJ death stare?

who knew such a thing existed?!  not me!

until someone found my blog searching for INFJ death stare.

love that!

thank you random stranger for finding my blog!  appreciate the look, and I promise that if I ever meet you in person, I will restrain my stare. 😉

after doing some research on the topic, I found that an intense stare, looooong, and sometimes angry look seems to be common for INFJs.

and INTJs.

we’re both kinda serious types.  stoic listeners.  and extremely observant.  putting all the patterns together in our thoughts.  senses are on fire.  (sometimes gets a bit overwhelming!)

when it comes to Myers-Briggs, the hub and I both share our dominant function, Intuition.  which is introverted – it all happens on the inside…

we are absorbed taking a lot of sh*t in all the time – no wonder the stare shows up!

I think it’s more of a zone out; we’re on a journey on the inside.

the more I think about it, I do stare at people – I’m fascinated by them!  what is going on in there, I want to know!  what are they thinking…I love making up stories about random strangers.

ran across one descriptor – INFJ eyes are deep – like the soul of the holder is looking through you.  cool.  maybe.

or perhaps what we see scares us. 😉

after discovering this nugget today, I recalled a photo of me at my corporate day job.

and there I was, wearing the death stare!

and it was at a happy event!

go figure.  must be mindful of my external expression of what’s goin’ on inside.

good indicator my mask is not in place whenever people ask me, what’s wrong?  

hardly anything is, but it’s usually when I’m deeply focused on something.

and then…someone at @ work this week throws out that I look like Wendy – you know – Wendy from the restaurant.

huh?  whaaat?

he probably got the death stare for that…in fact, I’m sure he did, as he quickly followed up with, well, you’re always smiling, it’s great.  in fact you also kinda remind me of Pippi Longstocking, she was fearless.  and always smiling.  just like Wendy.

and then he walked off.  still makes me giggle.

that’s all I got for the death stare topic.  🙂

sidebar>>>love, love how much there is that I don’t know.  yet.  for example, I listened to a podcast earlier this week from my favorite Stuff You Should Know guys, Josh and Chuckers, How does the Barbie doll work…frickin’ hilarious.  those guys always make me laugh.  note to self>>good death stare banishment.  vengeance is mine…if you know Barbie…you know what I’m talkin’ about…  🙂

sidebar2>>>working on my first workshop for Myers-Briggs Step II!  super excited!

xox

ps.  also contemplating taking Marie Forleo’s BSchool.  this might be the most least thought-through decision I have made in my life, as I will have to decide by Monday…and I just found out about it yesterday.  but anyone who says mother-humpers on a Q&A call is all good in my book.  seriously.  🙂

tap happy.

just watched Nick Ortner, author of the soon to be released book, The Tapping Solution…interview Louise Hay. wowzer!

she is 86. holy moly. she is rocking her life! and looks awesome! happy.

I believe in tapping. it’s so easy. yet hard to wrap your left brain around.

give it a go, I dare ya!

~

been leaving the blog alone this last week.

too much going on in real life. which makes me feel like I’m supposed to be writing. I should be writing.

but I’m not. words sometimes avoid me at times like this. and that’s okay.

but tonight on the way home from work, I was hit with minor inspiration. legs rippled with goosebumps. so that’s def a good sign. 🙂

see…I have been taking the MBTI (Myers-Briggs) Step II course – which further deconstructs one’s MBTI personality type. so super cool! I love, love it. it makes my type make even more sense to me. if that’s ever going to be possible. 😉

seems like I’m a glutton for contradiction. one of my facets is casual – out of preference – of course! and another one is planful. huh? how do those two work together.

but when I thought about it, I realized that I plan out casual-time. aha!

so I have a plan to draft out all my character’s personalities. long weekend this weekend. this is going on the plan-full list. 😉

here’s the rub.

my grandma has been in the hospital – which has had me on a constant side-bar. that’s okay.

all I can say is that there is nothing like holding your sweet grandma’s hand.

she held my hand up yesterday and out in front of her. she turned it around in her hand…and opened her eyes to stare at my engagement ring.

“it’s so beautiful,” she said in a garbled voice.

I will never forget that.

once she was satisfied, she laid both our hands down on her right side. and squeezed my hand tight. I squeezed back.

God, I pray that you ease my Grandma’s fears as she moves in the evening hour of her life.

I talked to her doc today.

he thinks she had a stroke – which is why she can’t move her left side. but nothing has shown up on a CT scan.

she is so confused and scared…and the doc wants her in a more peaceful environment. which is NOT in a hospital. she moved tonight. phew!

that’s the latest people…hope you are enjoying every moment…I sure am.

xoxo

50/50. what is mind body gallery?

this is it!  50/50.  fifty blog posts in 30 days.  wwhooeee!!!  so proud I actually did it.  and didn’t give up!

so here you go…

you may be wondering, what is up with the mbg or mindbodygallery.com? 

I bought the domain name, mindbodygallery.com, in 2010 when I decided to make over my life…along with jennifernightingale.com (for the six word memoirs that I loved to write back then. I have pages of them!)  can’t recall if I still own the latter.  huh.  or ha!

anyway, mind body gallery is the name of my new small business!

now open!

when I told my Grandma about it on Thanksgiving, her eyes twinkled, and she sat up in her chair, tell me how this happened?, she wanted to know.  so cool.  🙂

so what is it?

beginning with a Myers-Briggs personality assessment, I help people going through a career transition/crisis identify what it is they are passionate about, make peace as they go through the transition (or crisis!), and provide positive support as new opportunities are brainstormed, explored, and mapped out!

the back of my business card, reads, discover what you were born to do

operations still evolving.  yes.  and I’ll throw in some life coaching here and there.  😉

but mbg is OPEN for business!

for me, mind body gallery represents a gentle collision of the mind, physical form, and a gallery of inspired creativity and play/work that emerges from the mind-body.

does that make any sense whatsoever?

if not, that’s cool.

knowing what I know now about my Myers-Briggs Personality Type, I totally get that it can be hard for others to read between the lines of what I’m trying to say.  there is a lot going on in my brain that doesn’t get outside often.  hehe.

the hub has gotten quite used to it.  and even enjoys it.  thank God!

website changes a-coming in December/January!  can’t wait!!  stay tuned!

xo

44/50: inferior sensing function. non-deployment.

so the hub and I concluded tonight that we over-used our dominant Myers-Briggs function, Intuition, when putting up our three Xmas trees this weekend.

mind you, two of the trees are 24 inches tall. and the other one has been up all year. it’s a palm tree.

while deciding where we would place the trees and what lights would go on each tree….strongly visualizing the final product of cute trees ensconcing our living room….we opted not to deploy our inferior (i.e., under-developed) Sensing function.

the hub is one letter off from me with our four letter personality types. we’re kinda like distant cousins in the Myers-Briggs personality world.

his auxiliary function is the opposite of mine. which means his Thinking is my tertiary function…and my Feeling is his tertiary function. other than that, we are like two peas in a pod. ha! we both need to work on our Sensing. as that inferior function is the same for both of us.

I love that I now have official sounding language to describe our behavior.

in standard English:

we used three extension cords, when we only required one for all three trees.

silly us!

xox

36/50: missing socks.

I had a feeling yesterday that my new client might bail on me.

whaaaat?

why did that thought show up?

thoughts like that can intervene.  unnecessarily.  I know this.  then why do I still think them?!

so I pushed it into the background.  before my grip had a chance to tighten.

was it just me putting that thought out there because I’m afraid I might actually like love coaching and working with clients?  gently floated in.

yes, that’s it!  so I balled up the original thought and threw it away.  literally.

it was all me.  and my client hasn’t run away.  🙂

we create most of our own anxiety and fears from past events.  insecurity.  and from estimating what they will think of our future selves.  what I will think of my future self.  all of which, we like to distort and mash up.

practicing letting-go-of-the-outcome has helped me see things with so much more clarity.

throw in a quick Byron Katie, is it true?

usually not.  and there are always lots of examples how the thought is not true.

change your thoughts.  change your perspective. and perception.  life is so much sweeter!

it also helps when you can’t find the only socks you can wear with your new boots…the socks just show up as soon as the frenetic plowing through of the sock drawer ends… 😉

26/50: chocolate cake and Martha/Judi.

crazy dream this morning.

dreamed I was at the 2013 Martha Beck life coaching summit as an observer (since I’m not certified).

invited though (which was good).  but my job was undeniably just to watch others as they were there to complete their final challenge for certification: coach Martha Beck in person.

even though it was Martha, she looked just like Judi (my professor for MBTI training).

each life coach cadet was being video-taped as they coached Martha/Judi.

at first, I’m in the corner of the room, just observing as the cadets shuffle in and out.

finally, one of the cadets calls me over to do some live coaching on me.

I sit down at the formica’d desk. that was really narrow. Martha/Judi is sitting higher than both myself and the cadet attempting to coach me.  on the desk is a round chocolate cake and an audio recorder.

which I found odd, as I knew the whole room was being video’d.

while sitting there, I start fiddling with the audio player and end up accidentally running the cable for the audio player through the round gorgeous chocolate cake which is now topped with yellow roses.

the cable is covered in chocolate frosting.

oh sh*t. what do I do now? I gasp internally.

I know Martha/Judi have seen what I have done, but watching me to see what I will do next.

so I move the audio recorder to my lap, out of the camera’s and Martha’s view.  I guess.

weak attempt to avoid interfering with the cadet coach’s practice.

once on my lap, I discreetly try to wipe the cable off on my sweater.  quite unsuccessfully, but good enough.

and then stealthily return the audio unit to the table.

the woman who was coaching me, concluded that her hunch was that I’m now at a 1.3.  much better than the 1.8 with which I had sat down.

huh???  no wonder I’m not ready to be certified!  😉

internally I disagreed, but for Martha’s sake, and the woman’s sake, I nodded my head vigorously.

then I hear voices outside the door, so decide to depart the room and head outside…despite knowing that my behavior would be caught on TV and potentially influence future certification efforts with Martha.

I open the screen door, and outside are three women from my life coach training course! I was so excited – they were excited…and I woke up.

~must deconstruct this dream and figure out what the heck that chocolate cake means!~

xo

25/50: ’twas the night before Thanksgiving…the real #25.

and all through the office, not a soul was stirring.

as work peeps danced turkeys in their heads…

and all the yummy things they were about to nosh.

really?  okay, that’s as far as I can go without having to pull out my copy of the other version.  ha!

so my friends and I have an annual pre-thanksgiving tradition:  the Wednesday before, we happy hour it up.  kinda like Jr. high, when we would movie it up.

except with alcohol.

the first TNBT was in 2006.  or was it 05?  our memories are aging just as we are.

that night we ended up staying out until well past midnight.  I think it was 05 b/c the hub and I were still living in the apartment (we loved, loved that apartment!)…and managed to throw a turkey in a brine bath at 1AM.

last year was not as fun as it usually is.  we tried a new venue.  that kinda flopped.

fitting as my legs were flopping too.  early night.  but it was better than 2010.

well…Thanksgiving in ’10 that is.

this year, the energy is vibing strong, so I suspect know that we will have fun for this year’s TNBT!!

two years ago.  2010.  Zimzala.  fun!  that TNBT was followed by a yuck-o Thanksgiving.  won’t go into details here, but Facebook was involved.  and a cold shoulder from a family member.  door slammed in my face.  that’s all you need to know.

but I’m not bitter.  ha!  that is one event among many I have worked really hard to change my thoughts around.  Byron Katie’s Work comes in handy, along with Brooke Castillo’s SelfCoaching101.

the ’10 Thanksgiving was followed by a Friday trip to the Getty in LA, and then a fab-0 dinner with friends at La Cave.  for which I could NOT wait after the T-day that I had just had!  huh.  that was the night I convinced everyone to take a free online MBTI test.  those online tests just are NOT reliable…I know now after becoming MBTI certified!  the freebies are more for entertainment purposes only.  😉

back to this year:  I am vowing not to drink too much.

turns out alcohol and MS don’t mix too well!  annoying!!

no wonder I have always been a light weight.  turns out alcohol skids quickly across de-myelinated neurons, faster than the stalled electrical impulses.  huh.  that is my scientific explanation.

so I will use caution this year!

what is your T-giving tradition?

I told my hub, that I want to help feed the hungry next year (beyond $$$)…he agreed.

xox