a boy called Gus.

I type this while our little girl is snuggled up next to me.

her head resting on my thigh.

one long ear draped over my left wrist.

peaceful sighs leaving her body.  breathing in and out.

she purrs like our Chloe.  I have never heard a dog purr.  but our girl does.

I wonder if that’s something Monty would have taught Gus.

a boy we would have called Gus.  the dog we will never know.

it still makes be sad that we will never know him or see him grow.  what would have been our Gus stories?

yet we made the right decision not to take him.

we got caught up in the puppy love.  he was so soft and squishy.  who wouldn’t??

we just wanted more love in our house after the last few years we have had…too many losses.

but then wise reality started to wriggle her way in.  think of the effort, she whispered.  and time.  the messes.  the frustrations.  his size.  and your poor girl was scared, remember?? what would happen if they were home alone together, and he snagged Red Bear??  

er. yes.  our girl was scared.  and we ignored her.

so we began discussing what could happen if this or that should occur? guilt and shame followed forgetting that we have all the love we want (and need) from our girl.

one is enough.  enough.

xo

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MiScellany.

eyes wide open. literally.  after a visit to my rockin’ awesome eye doc.  my peepers got the clean bill of health.

no prescription change either.

shocker coming from the gene pool in which I was made.

got home earlier than normal after shielding my dilated eyes from the blinding sun.  (luckily the doc’s office is super close.)  and something urged me to take the puppers for an extra long walk.

the dilation drops were very slowly wearing off, so I relaxed into the beauty around me.    since I could SEE everything.  and as I gazed at the swaying trees in our park while the puppers combed the grass, I felt a medley of something I don’t feel very often:  connection.  presence.  calm.  clear.  confidence.  confident that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.  ahhhh.  and that felt so good.  and it still is here – four days later.

sidebar>>may the fourth be with you.  haha.  can’t help it.  😉  happy Star Wars day!

even the doggy picked up on my calm energy.  she didn’t pull.  and didn’t want to lead.  she didn’t bark at any skate-boarders.  or even the FedEx truck.  she just trotted along beside me.  stopping to smell all the scents left behind from other furry creatures.  apparently, smelling things is like watching a reality TV show for dogs.  my puppers definitely travels life with her eyes wide open.

the eye doc said I’m doing really well.  and had a fourth neurologist referral should I decide to switch in the future.  hmmm.  I see my current neuro on Tuesday.

tangential curve:  loving work-life most days.  lots of connections.  and I love that I’m on a new project.  that makes all the difference to me:  learning and doing new sh*t.  getting things organized.

with that, I’m going to take a break from my extra-curricular learning.  I have Bike MS to prep for in October.  we’re gonna go for the full 100. but will settle for Day 1 if that’s how it works out. whatever happens, happens.

so grateful for what is.

this week, I decided to swap two words from one of my fave quotes from Gretchen Rubin:  the days are long, the years are short.

and change it to…the days are short, the years are long.

whatever one envisions, one can create.  that’s mine.  and it just popped to the surface.  write that one down woman!

what happened to you this week?  my cuz and Grandma were on my mind a lot.  I took a good chunk of my inheritance from my Grandma and passed it forward to the MS Society.  that felt so good!

xox

peace.

my hub and I made a yum-o dinner last night. I love it when we make dinner together! (corn quesadillas stuffed with brie, salami, and kale.) good leftovers for lunch today!

after we finished eating…or actually while we were eating, I checked my email and FB page. (my hub was focused on watching the AMGEN Tour of California while I surfed.)

as I was spooling through FB, I experienced something I have not experienced in quite some time: envy.

envy – what a lovely emotion! it’s so valuable, huh? very attractive too!

ummm, no. quite the opposite in fact!

why compare oneself to others? each of us is flat-out different from everyone ELSE out there. period.

so how did the envy show up?

one more

of my fellow life coach colleagues announced she had just received her certification! yeah for her!!

not so yeah for me, or not so yeah for me once I twisted it up.

enter the following thoughts…

stupid MS, why’d you have to show up and cut my training short by four weeks? I would be certified by now if you hadn’t taken up so much of my time.

immediately followed by…

I should have done my pro-bono hours before MS showed up

which dissolved into…

I’m not good enough. which raced around for a minute.

until I stopped the spiraling. (I love that this is ALWAYS an option!)

and turned it around to…

I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. and doing a much better job than I ever have when it comes to taking care of my health. on all fronts. as a result of MS showing up.

that feels a heck of a lot better than the preceding rapid fire thoughts.

after working through this, I felt a wave of peace wash over me. and that felt even better.

xo